2001-05-09 01:31:22 (UTC)


I don’t have my friends anymore
And I don’t have my chemicals
The only thing that kept me sane was you
And now ive lost that too

You took the pain away from me
Told me everything would be okay
But where exactly am I now
And why arent you here to hold my hand
And take this all away
And why now is the pain I feel
Directly stemed from you
The one who made my world so beautiful
And showed me I was too

How can I be so beauitful
When everyone always leaves me
Even you
The only one I trusted
The one person in the world who knew me

And I don’t want to see you
I don’t want to talk to you
But I do want you to call
Because I cant handle knowing
That after what we had together
Without me, youre okay.

And I really do despise you
For the apathy you’ve shown
The insensitivty ingrained inside you
Which you don’t even recognize

You told me in the past that I was youre bestfriend
That is what I cried over loosing
Not a relationship
I never needed to be your girlfriend
But I still needed to be loved.
As friendship works.
But you couldn’t manage to muster that.
In the obviously self absorbed mind of yours

I never wanted you to change for me.
I never asked you to.
You fit to certain people when they need you and when they
don’t anymore you get thrown away
I never disrespected you.
I never looked down upon you.
You were my friend first and formost
And so, I want to forget you.
I live thinking about how content I was
And how wonderful you were
And although you were never my life
You were a large portion of it
And I let you get into my thoughts
My mind. My life.
And I let you know me.
There was not anything that I wouldn’t have done for you.
As a person. Not as my girlfriend.
And thinking that you have something so beautiful.
And then having that smashed in front of your face as a
huge fucking lie after you actually believed in something
as strong as human compassion for the first and only time
in your life.
I know this doesn’t bother you.
And that’s why it shouldn’t bother me anymore.
You fucking lied to me.
And I will never forget or forgive you for that.
Because that is the cruelest action I have ever heard of
Youre capable of things that I could never do.
And you may think that makes me weak.
But I think youre wrong.

I was wrong about you.
I was wrong to trust you.
I was wrong to believe in you.
I was wrong to help you believe in yourself.
Because you really honestly are the epitome of what I
detest about humanity.