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2002-03-06 21:47:09 (UTC)

The unmentionable

Ok, I am trying my hardest to suppress what's coming at the
end of April and people aren't helping me here. I have a
huge lump in my throat thinking about it. Yeah, leaving
Peterborough, my apartment and mostly leaving Kim. K. I'm
just about crying now. I know I should be thinking about it
just to kind of prepare myself for what's coming but at the
same time I just don't want to deal with it right now. Ok, I
just started crying. I knew this'd come. See I was talking
about how I get to see my friend Ange for the first time in
a year and a half tomorrow and Kim said how after April
it'll be a long time until I see her again. Well I almost
burst into tears right there and told her to change the
subject because it was something I am trying to repress. I
don't WANT to leave her. I really don't. I have a hard
enough time in the summer without her and I know I look
forward to each and every letter etc but the thought of not
seeing her just makes me so sad. Look at that. I can deal
with no Scott. Been there, done that but Kim... I just don't
want to fathom it. I know it's something I have to come to
grips with but for the time being I'd rather just cherish
the time I do have with her. And I've been thinking about it
and I would like to do something special for her before we
leave each other at the end of April but I don't know what
yet. Nothing seems like it's enough. How can I possibly
encapsulate how much she really means to me? How much these
past three years have meant to me and how special they
really are to me? Ok, she's back, I'd had better clean
myself up because I think I made myself look like a racoon.
And how do I explain that? So later.

Current mood: sad
Current music: Jessica Simpson and Marc Anthony- "There You