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2001-05-08 21:32:19 (UTC)

i wish i could throw up this pain

this weekend sucked. i was out of town and my mom called me
to tell me my grandmother had a heart attack and was in a
coma. well that was the most horrible thing i can hear
because she has basically raised me as a kid. i was always
at her house and would spend so much time with her. i have
so many feeling of regret right now because she came to our
house on saturday when i was gone and she was fine. but
when i came home she was extremely sick and now she has
passed. it keeps hitting me over and over and over and i
can't grasp the concept of her being gone. its like whoa
what just happened. NO! she is gone. this is going to be a
hard month. its mothers day this weekend and she isn't
going to be there. on the 20th is my cousins bday and my
grandma is his best friend. she will miss it. also i am her
first grandchild to graduate and she will never see that
happen.. she was so proud of me and excited to go but now
she isn't going to be there. i would like to think she is
still with me but i guess wherever she is she is in a
better place then hooked up to five or six different drugs
and on full life support. i love her and her spirit will
live on through me, my sister, devin and coby. "grandma,
fly away and be free from this mundane society. you are in
a better place now. with your mom and dad."

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