Sleeping with the lights on
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2002-03-06 15:11:26 (UTC)

Ack, I never come here anymore.

Not like anybody gives a fuck but I'm writing again. It's
like 50 degree's outside and I'm stuck in this hell hole. I
am completley miserable and I don't know, maybe it sucks.
Maybe I'm just fucking used to it. I don't even give a fuck
if I feel like this anymore. No matter how depressed I
become, there is always SOMEBODY in the world who's problems
are bigger than mine. This fucking world sucks. Love is
nothing but pain for me, and I hate it. I hate love and I
hate relationships. Anytime I decide to actually love a guy
we always break up and it ends up like this. This feeling I
have inside is like somebody is stabbing my fucking heart
with a dagger, and it never goes away. I am sure everyone
fucking cares though. I'm just so sick and tired of talking
to stupid people who have nothing to say. I am sick and
tired of talking to people who are too caught up in their
own lives to even give a flying fuck about me. These people
are supposed to be my "friends" What are friends though?
They are the people you think that you can trust not to
become mad at you or stab you in the back. Well, maybe that
is why my back hurts constantly. Just because these
"friends" think everything can be better because they say oh
it'll be okay it's not going to be. My "friends" are fucking
dicking me over right now and I don't even fucking care. If
those "friends" want to do that to me then FUCK THEM!!! I
don't even care. I actually hope they are more miserable
than before. I wish that everyone could just take time out
from their happy fucking lives to realize that nothing
matters, and everything sucks. It's like they are all blind
folded. You know what though. Sometimes "friends" are really
fucking ignorant. They offend me and make me feel like shit.
I don't want to talk about Jeff, Okay? I still really want
to be with Jeff, but I can't because I'm just such a
horrible person. The truth is that I AM!! So, Kill
me..please because I don't fucking care about that. Just let
me get high before you shoot me in the fucking head. Or
maybe my "friends" will do it because they seem like they
want to do it anyways. And fuck people who read this and
think I'm psycho because I don't fucking care about any of
you. There are only like a few people that I can trust to be
my "friend". But I hate thinking that most of them will like
dick me over anyways. Everything is a bunch of fucking
bullshit and I am sick and tired of having all this pressure
on my back and having people always down my throat. I don't
need this fucking shit. I really don't. I don't want people
to think that I'm all like CRAZY!! because I'm not I'm just
sick of stupid people and stupid shit. I am sick of love,
and "friends" and life and weed. The only thing I have to
look forward to is waking up alone in my cold room. I feel
like I'm always going to be alone and fuck it if I am. I
don't care!! I just don't care about anything anymore. Maybe
I do but nobody cares about me, and I am alone so I don't
care. I don't have anything to look forward to, and I don't
have anyone to look forward to talking to. (with exceptions)
because there are SOME people who aren't too caught up in
themselves to realize that I'm about to die from mentally
breaking down.
Oh well, poor little lonely me. Everything is wrong in my
puny little teenage life. Boo fucking who! Just needed to

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