EmilyStrange

The Chronicles of Ms. Evil
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2002-03-06 06:00:29 (UTC)

*tear*

Have you ever been scared to be there for one of your
friends? I am. I am literally scared shitless. The only
things that I have ever truely been afraid of are getting
my blood taken and the dark. I'm sitting here at 1 am not
being able to sleep because I am worried. I am scared that
one of the most important people in my life is heading
towards self destruction. I can't talk to her. I want to
but I can't, I can't because I don't want to hurt her, I
don't want to get hurt, I don't want to push her away, I
don't want to get pushed. I can hardly hold back my tears
now. I know she doesn't know how much I love her and how
important she is to me because I don't show her. I am
being such a pussy but I can't help it.

'calling all angels, walk me through this world, don't
leave me alone, i'm are not sure how this goes'

this girl at school wants to go home, she can't stand to be
away from her best friend, her dad, her home. she is
thinking about quitting and going to a community college.
it makes me think, if she can't make it then how am i going
to make it, seriously. I am starting to wonder what kind of
person i am. am i a quitter. do i just want to give up,
pack it up and go home. what am i doing here, do i belong
here, where am i going. I broke it down like this:

i'm going okay in school
i'm not doing great in school
i like school
i miss home
i miss my best friend
my best friend is having problems
i'm not making them any better
i'm running away from my problems
my parents miss me
i miss them
my mom would like my boyfriend better if he talked
my boyfriend hates my mom
i love my mom
i'm losing friends at home
i only talk to erin
i don't talk to erin enough
i'm scared to talk to erin
i'm scared for erin
i love erin
i love ken
ken is far away
i am going to live with ken this summer
erin doesn't want me to go
i want to go
i don't want to make erin feel bad
my parents don't know yet
i'm scared to tell them
i want them to be okay with it
they won't be okay with it
i want to go
i miss home
i miss erin
want things to be better, easier

These are the thoughts that run through my head, very
scattered, i know. anyways, i have to go to bed, i stabbed
myself in the wrist have to ice it. good night.

ms. evil


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