Yellow Angel

Larmes d'un ange
2001-05-08 16:58:55 (UTC)

May 8, 2001

I woke up at 11:30 today. That's weird for me. I am
usually up and ready by 8. I don't know what is wrong with
me anymore. I slept till 4:30 in the afternoon the other
day. It's very strange. I don't like it at all. I feel
like I am wasting the entire day away. I guess for now
that is okay because everyone else around is still in
school and I would just be sitting here anyway. I just
don't want to continue sleeping like this forever. I never
slept so much before. I guess that is probably my own
fault though. I stopped eating about 2 weeks ago. Maybe a
little longer than that. I'm not quite sure. It hurts to
eat now, I get this terrible pain in my stomach when I try
so I just stopped trying. I have eaten little things like
salad and stuff because I figure that won't make me feel
sick because it is only lettece. However, that does make
me sick too. I should probably see a doctor but they scare
me. I don't like doctors. I mean, everytime I go to the
doctors they just put me on more medication but tell me
that they don't know what is wrong with me. I mean what
the fuck? It gets pretty annoying after a while. When a
person can't turn their neck, i think something is wrong
with them. Whatever though, I guess it doesn't matter.
I've learned to deal with it. I don't think the whole not
eating thing is much of a problem anyway. I can afford to
lose some weight. Actually, I can afford to lose a lot of
weight. I was actually thinking of starting on diet pills
but I'm not sure that is such a good idea since I'm not
eating anyway. I may jsut start taking energy pills so I'm
not so tired all the time and then I can try to run or
something. I opened my pool the other day (got in trouble
for it) and hopefully, that will be up and ready in a few
days so I can start swimming. I need to do something, I
hate sitting here by myself. I'm so sick of it. I need to
get a job too but I am jsut not motivated to work. I don't
like working. My parents give me whatever I want. I mean
my father gave me $45 last night because I played his
numbers for the lottery last night. They pay for my gas,
they bought my car, they pay for insurance, they pay for my
4 credit cards...I mean I am extremely spoiled. I feel bad
but if they are going to continue to give it to me, then
why do I want to work? I want to because I want something
to do. I wish there was something to do. Well, it's time
for me to shower and get ready for the day. Maybe I will
look for a job today...