It's my life
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2001-05-08 09:30:06 (UTC)

Monday 2:12am

Well, not much happening between Chuy and I lately. He went
back to Tucson again this weekend and I was sure if he
didn't sleep with her last time, he did this time. But by
what he says, he didn't. I'm not sure if I want to believe
him or not. I guess it makes no difference anyways anymore.
I'm becoming ok with the fact that I'm single again. I don't
have time to really be lonely. I still talk with him but
I've been the one calling. I chill with that shit for a
while to see how long it will take him to realize that I
haven't called him. When I asked if he misses me he says he
does but I don't give him time to think about me before I'm
there again, calling or stopping by. I don't think I'd go
back to him if he wanted me. Who knows though. He taught me
a whole lot without realizing he has. I've learned that men
are sometimes always boys on the inside and never want to
grow up no matter how much they front like they're real men.
Can't really blame him though. He admits to being the boy
and not wanting to grow up and accept reality. That's ok. I
don't need that.
The weekend was weird. I made out all night with some dude I
just met on Friday. We were kissing in the club I met him at
and then we took him home. I wonder why I even went there
with him. It kindof is like me to do some spontanious shit
like that. He was a freaky kisser and I loved it. It's just
that if I can become that easily detatched from reality then
why is it that I still dwell on my past relationship? It's
a mystery to me. I never really realized how much I missed
kissing so passionately until that night when I was doing
it. I loved it and it was so damn sinful. He wasn't able to
turn me on or anything and he wasn't very sexy or
attractive I don't think. It was more like I used him for
his excellent ability to kiss so yummy. Unlike men, I called
him the next day just because he was so persistant on me
calling him. I would probably never persue anything with him
considering I'd just have the same thing I just came out of.
Anyways, I think I'm in with the guys at work. They're
already inviting me to another camping trip on Memorial day
and this time no damn body is coming with me. I'm going solo
unless a female friend wants to come along and hang. I can't
wait. I just feel good sometimes. Usually when I'm working
out regularly and seeing a difference in my body. Well,
that's enough for now. See ya

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