Damsel in Distress

PHUCK ME
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2002-03-05 14:08:22 (UTC)

SURGERY

well, my other diary at mydeardiary is down. well, if i get
a chance then i will write there.

i am going in to surgery today. i think. they have been
fucking around with me forever on this. i didnt eat after
midnight...i was good sorta...i wasnt supposed to eat after
6pm, oh well. well, i am scared. i know im strong, but the
fact that i am going under with a doctor i have never met.
im sorry, with some people that is ok, but i am a paranoid
person naturally. i have heard horror stories of
physicians that after they put their patient out they would
rape them or something. chances are that wont happen, but
still...i mean, im going to not the best city to have this
done, and im scared shitless. i guess i wanted to talk to a
friend or two about this, but i just got the hint to drop
it. i dropped it. i dont know if i will be home later
today, or if they will keep me overnight. a lot of places
did it as an outpatient procedure...and even then, i dont
know if i will be awake enough to contact any friends. i
dont know.

mom and dad have been fighting a lot. i havent seen him hit
her recently...thankfully. although, her eye is a little
red. i dunno. he threatens her, and i cant wait until im
out of this situation to say hey look ive done this on my
own without your help. i guess the reason why i live is
that.

when i was younger...i used to cut. i guess ive been
wanting to tell a friend about it...but i didnt want to
bring up memories of his past. i dont know if he knows that
i really do care about him. he doesnt want to open up, and
it does hurt. i mean being completely open with someone is
a true sign of trust. i mean, i have completely opened up
to him, but he hasnt to me. i realize it, and i am not just
going to abandon him because of that. i want to show him im
a true friend...reguardless of anything i wont abandon him.
i really do care, and i know a lot of people in his life
have let him down, but im not a lot of people. i guess that
is bugging me, but im accepting it. i think in time he will
loosen up to me when he realizes im not going anywhere.

i guess im going to go, since i have to get ready. and i
want to talk to someone on the phone. im out. if i dont
update in a month...im dead...lmao.
-damsel in distress