Queen Bee

why?

I find myself asking that a lot lately. Like why can i
not talk to my ex. it s like my mind will shut down when i
need to talk to him the most especially about me and him
and our "relationship". Like tonite when me and ravens b/f
went to his house i thought meybe we could talk but we
didnt. I cant open up to him, i cant open up to anyone. i
want to open up to himi want to tell him how i feel and
tell him that he needs to stop jerkin me around but in my
fam i was taught that any emotion or sharing your feelings
were for the weak and that it just wasnt right. The only
person who truly knows me is raven and thats because she is
my best friend. I so wnat to just tell himto make up his
mind and quit stringin me along but i cant for fear he
might not feel the same way or even if he does, what if it
just ends in heartache again? I honestly do not know how he
feels about me and thats what makes me so mad. Me and him
never even communicate when were in a relationship because
i dont know how to open up to anyone except raven and even
that took me a while. but i dunno. I do feel a strong
connection with him but..i dont know. why do i always do
this? I have such a hard time talking to people unless i
dont care about them. i jsut dont want this relationship to
end up like my other ones, nothing.