The Shadow of Myself
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2002-03-05 06:32:53 (UTC)

either way....

So I guess that maybe there is such a thing as being too
open. I have been known to share pretty openly. It's just
one of my things. If someone asks me something straight up
I pretty much just lay it out there. There may be some
slight hesitation on my part.. but if someone is persistant
in asking me.. then I'll tell them. I don't really leave
out a lot of details either. So make sure you want to know
everything if you ask me something.. :) Actually though..
I'm beginning to see that maybe I shouldn't share so much
all the time. Alright.. now down to the kinda
disappointing part (for those of you who are all into my
online diary.. if you exist.. ;) I've decided that I'm
going to revert back to writing a lot of things in my
notebook. Don't worry I'm still going to be deep on here
for you.. and for myself so I can figure things out. My
notebook will be used more for the things that I'm learning
I shouldn't tell people right away. I can confide those
things in my friends.. the friends that those things don't
concern.. and then in my notebook. B/c along with
gathering my thoughts in my notebook and on here.. I also
like discussing things with friends who best know the
situtation that it pertains to. I would say that most of
my friends know and understand most of my situations. At
the same time though.. some of them are more understanding
and more interested in certain situtations that others.

I would just like to say.. that the biggest part of me
wants to keep telling all. I just know that maybe that
isn't the best idea. So I'm listening to the smaller voice
that's telling me.. hey... just keep a little more to
yourself. There are somethings that should be more of a
gift of yourself to someone else. And I realize that by
being so open with everyone I'm quickly losing a lot of
value to the things that mean the most to me and that
should mean the most to other people. I suppose that the
longer it takes for you to tell someone something.. the
more it should mean to them. And if you tell them right
off.. they may not realize the full affect of it. Also if
they understand how long it took for you to tell them..
they'll see how important it is to you and that will make
them feel more special. I think that should be the point
of telling them anyway. You want to give a little more of
yourself to someone so they can know you better.. and so
they can see how special they are to you.

In the end.. when I find 'him' if I ever do... I want him
to know how special he is. And I want to be able to do
that through my words and my actions. I just want him to
know without me saying anything. I want to be able to do
the same thing to. Although I have a sneaking suspition
that I'm going to be given the most undescribable, perfect,
beautiful, wonderful, unimaginable love that God can
create. Then again.. I may be single for the remainder of
my life. If that's the case.. then great.. it should be
really interesting for me either way. :)