psychomagnet

and there are no strings attached

i really love this new alanis song... in a sad way it
reminds me of caroline.
i am awfully confused i make such a mess of everything and
i really dont mean to... i feel a lot like matt lately,
with all my power and manipulations even though its
accidental and i dont even want it... i really want to just
fucking chill and do my own thing but theres all this
pressure coming at me if not directly but about everyone
and i just want her to be happy and i dont want him to be
sad and i ought to just stay away from everyone because i
fuck everyone up.
i hate matt too. i want to leave so bad. i want to get out
of here. but hes right it'll be the same everywhere else.
3 more days of my job. its kinda sad. i will miss some of
the people. sheila and kathy and tom and benji and
everyone thats nice to me. but claudia got hired at my
job! yay! how exciting.
i love them both i want them both in my life still i dont
want to lose anyone or make them feel like they've lost
anything but i just want my own time to do what i want and
i want most of all for them to be happy because they both
deserve happiness so much they are such good people and how
they ever got involved with someone as shitty as me i dont
understand.