Well today is Monday, ugh. I hate mondays, they suck. Well
I have a boyfriend that I love very much, but one problem.
He lives in California and i live in Virginia. Many a tear
has been shed over this. But oh god I love him. I cry every
night sometimes because we can't be together yet. He is 18
and i'm 16. He graduates highschool this year and he said
he was going to Boston college. A little while ago we
started talking about having sex. We are not cybering or
anything like that so chill. When him and I first started
going out I was saving myself for marriage. I was doing
that because I didn't know that I could fall so hard so
fast for someone. I had no idea that someone could be so
totally awesome. And lately I've decided that I want to
have sex before marriage. But I am like really scared about
it. Last night i was on the phone talking to him kind of
late and i really fucked up. He asked me if i was sure
about the sex thing , and he asks me this all the time and
i always say i am. So i said "i think so, but i really have
to think about it" and on the phone he seemed okay about
it. I had no idea what i had really said. He took that as
meaning that I had started falling out of love with him.
Thats so not true. I love him so much its not even funny. I
was just really tired last night and something was wrong
with me, i don't know what. But i feel like a total bitch.
We talked it out though and he said everything was cool. I
just don't feel worthy of having him. He's to good. He has a 3.8
average in school, i have like a .00 average. I'm so stupid. He's so
good, i could never be what he wants. But i don't want to leave him
because i'm selfish i guess. I love him so much it hurts so bad
sometimes. I want him so bad it hurts inside :/ well i'm gonna go. If
you have any advice i'd like to hear it.