My Teenage Life
2001-05-07 14:01:31 (UTC)

Hard few days

God, the last few days has been hard...I don't even know
where to begin.

I hate first diary entries, you have to explain everything
and if you're telling a story you have to explain all the
events leading up to it, and all things that have happened
in the past with the people in the story. The first few
always end up so long and boring. Hmmm.

I wish Aon would come online now - Aon is my best friend, I
love him to bits. He used to me my boyfriend though, twice
in fact, but we're just friends now and tell I tell him everything.
I'm a bit confused though.
When I was upset about the whole Peter incident last night - he was
helping to make me feel better, and it was working. but then he said
something which just really got to me. We were talking
about when we broke up and then he said
"well it showed how much u cared, like - we are in love"
and then, in the next line he said
"..were in love"
now i know he didnt mean it to upset me because he was just
correcting himself, but for some reason I felt so upset. I
just said to him
"thanks, rub it in why don't u"
at which point he just started saying sorry a lot.
I do love him loads, but I Feel better about that now, I Was silly to
get so upset about it.

The Peter incident has been getting me down but i'm
starting to feel a bit better about that now. What happened
there was, peter thought that I was going to marry him when
we were older and all stuff - come on - i'm 15 years old!
But because I'm one of them people who feel nasty hurting
peoples feelings even a little bit, I haven't been able to
tell him otherwise.
Then, yesterday, he just said something stupid and it was
the final straw after other things he's done, so i had a
bit of a nark at him and planned to just not talk to him
for the afternoon and said
"I'll talk to you later, bye"
then he kept messaging me, so i blocked him. Then he
messaged me on his napster, so i blocked him there, then he
messaged me on his aol, so i blocked him there. then he
texted me so i ignored it, by this time he was really
freaking me out - he has my mobile number, my home phone
number and my address. Then he sent me an email, and
created a new screename on aol to beg me to just read this
email. So i did, it was just going on about how sorry he
was and stuff and that he loves me and doesnt want to be
with anyone else.
As my friend Neil said, he must be weird to think that we
would actually get married!!
He kept on texting me all afternoon, so i went back online,
unblocked him and told him I Wasn't interested, and then
started ignoring him again but without blocking him.
My friend Mark who i was talking to could tell I Was
getting upset and annoyed by Peter and IMed him for me,
saying to leave me alone and stuff. Peter had got 2 of his
mates to add me to their msn lists. One of them was talking
to me about it, and she was nice, she was giving me advice
on it actually. I told her to tell him I didnt want to
marry him or anything of the sort because I felt mean
telling him myself. But then i felt really bitchy for
getting his friend to tell him, that's when Aon started
making me feel better, and telling me I Wasn't a bitch and
And, as i said, when i started feeling better, he said that
one little thing which made me feel worse than I had at the
start - oh god, how can life be so complicated when you're
only 15?
My friend Neil was helping me feel better too, and he
suggested i just emailed peter and explained to him. But I
couldnt, so neil suggested he would for me, but not in a
nasty way - that's not neil's style anyway. He's really
sweet and one of them nice people who you're just glad
you're friends with - he's 20 and he's so nice, I can talk
about the silliest of things to him, it's fun.
So I said Neil could email peter, he sent me a copy first
and it basically said to give me a few days and stuff.
He got cut off before I could tell him it was a great email
and to send it to peter. So i don't know if he's sent it or
not. He did text me this morning though and said he hoped
he hadn't stuffed up the mail to peter and that he was
I don't know what's going on really.

So when I came offline last night, my mum had just got in.
Her boyfriend, Pete, who I never liked from the start, had
stayed the weekend.
She said that she was so relieved he'd gone because she'd
started watching what she was saying in her own home in
case he got in a mood with her (he'd been in quite a few
moods with her over the weekend over stupid things which
were none of his business anyway) and she started crying,
with the relief of him going and of her getting a lucky
escape before she'd gotten in any deeper, which made me cry
because of her crying and because of the thing Aon'd said.
But I felt better when I'd had my cry and we sat there
slagging off me mums boyfriend, now ex boyfriend although
I'm not sure if he knows it yet, all night.
I came back online and mailed Aon, apologising for getting
so upset over what he'd said.

The other main thing which has got to me is my friend
heather from school.
I've known her for 5 years and we get on so well and I love
her to bits. She now has the internet too and has been
talking to someone called Mark for a few months now. She's
met him a few times and it's all cool.
The other week, Mark messaged me (because he found out my
screename) to say hi. We got talking and we have so much in
We both like the same music, the same sports, the same
football team etc etc
So we've kept on talking, both checking with Heather if she
was OK with it and she said sure.
So we've just been getting on well, it's funny - because of
heather talking about mark, i knew all this stuff about him
already, so when he was asking me where i was from in
liverpool, I knew where he was from in liverpool already,
and when he asked me to send a pic of myself, I'd already
seen one of him (verrrry nice looking) so he didn't need to
send it.
He suggested that we meet up sometime soon, I thought it
was a cool idea - so again, we checked with HEather if she
minded and she said no.
But then last night, I Was talking to them both online, and
Heather was telling me she was jealous! She said that mark
hadn't wanted to meet her after such a short amount of
I tried to assure her that the only reason he asked me so
soon was probably because he'd already met her and knew he
could trust me and that I Wasn't some axe murderer.
She didn't seem convinced. She talked about it to MArk, and
i dont know what got said there but he said he still wants
to meet me anyway. I don't know what to do for the best. I
don't understand why she's jealous - it's not as if he's in
love with me and HAS to meet me. She might even be coming
with us when we meet anyway!
Oh well, I don't know.

Anyway, I think I'll stop writing now, I don't really have
much more to say.
Well that's the first one over, the following entries will
get shorter - phew. :o)