ppss007

El Diablo
Ad 2:
2002-03-02 21:12:35 (UTC)

Crushed

What did I do to deserve this? I did everything in my power
to make my dream a reality. I listened to everyone who
advised me and i listened to her. i kept telling her how
special she was to me and tried to give her the feeling of
security. But what do i get in return? nothing.....well
yes, i did get a little something but just a couple of days
back that too was taken away from me......its like this, if
you want to push someone off the edge of a cliff, you cant
do that standing on the ground!! you have to take him up
the cliff first. But in my case, i was invited up onto a
mountain. Everyone saw me as "the Villain" in this
situation because i was the one who kept asking her. But
tell me..... is it wrong to ask for love in return for
love? Everyone I spoke to saw her as the victim out of
this……BUT DON’T YOU GUYS SEE ME AND HOW I FEEL ……
What she did today was sooo upsetting. She gave me a
pendent on Valentines Day as a token of a new relationship.
The day she said that I want you to keep your distance from
me, I got upset and gave her the pendant back. Days later I
finally realized that if she didn’t want to go ahead with
the relationship who am I to stand in her way……. So
yesterday I emailed her (emailed cuz apparently I am not
allowed to call her at home) that we can just be “good
friends” and stay that way. And also asked her for the
pendant back so that I could remember her by it. But would
only accept it on one condition……that she give it to me in
person in my hand with a broad smile (as a friend). I tried
to talk to her all day in college……. But she kept ignoring
me. Finally she handed the pendant to another friend who
tried to give it to me…… I thought she knew what the
word “love” meant to some people. I thought that she longed
to finally have someone loved her back (seeing her past
experiences) But I was wrong ….boy, was I wrong…. Because
if she knew the meaning, she would realise what her action
today would do to me …….. I now possess the pendant. And
if “you” ever in your life time read this entry….i want you
to know that you can BURN those 14 Valentine cards that you
made for me because the were not written from the heart.
You know what you look to me like now ????? you look like a
criminal who is trying to destroy evidence…. Evidence of a
crime, evidence of a mistake committed…….. you kept saying
……”no one undustands me” but did you realise that
compassion and undustanding is a give and take process????
Did you ever try to undustand me??????
All I asked was for friendship today. It would have taken
only a simple smile and maybe a “hi, how are you” but People
tell me that she did come to love you after a while……but I
have news for all those people…..that was not love…..it was
maybe only attraction or something. The one she loves stays
somewhere else.

I am sure that this entry will surely bring tears to her
eyes, but those are nothing compared to what I have shed
over the past few months. No one ever saw the suffering I
went through. I always went quite thinking that it would
hurt her………
Nways ……it doesn't matter anymore…nothing matters……….
Linda, I really need someone to talk to. I feel I am now
left with no one. Please come to my rescue……

Will sign off now ……


Ad:2