Lenore the fool

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2002-03-01 01:00:37 (UTC)

Big butts don't lie

Well I am becoming hostile and I wish I wasn't. I wish that
T would know that i'd never hurt him physically or any other.
I've been trying not to hurt Dave but it is really hard. He
brings out some really bad things in me. He doesn't deserve
it, but he's done somethings that have hurt me deeply. And I
just get these bouts of rage to him. Except now I've been on
the lines of screw it I don't give a fuck. So even things
that should get me jealous or intially get me jealous I'm
just sorta like oh well I don't care, let him do what he
wants. I mean if he falls for someone else that would solve
some big problems. Of course I'd hate it if he fell for
someone he couldn't have, or decided to stay with me because
he couldn't have them.
It's nice to know that I still can fall in love. It's good
that I can say I believe in it. I mean I wish I could act on
my feelings, that I could really do what I can only dream of
doing with him. But I'm happy dreaming. I guess that's why
I snap at Dave sometimes, cause he pulls me back to where I
really am and I can't pertend. I need to ake a decision. He
wants me to do what I feel is right even if it hurts him.
But I don't think I could deal with the consiqences. Him
being upset, his mother, dealing with the play. But can I
really keep this fasude up? It isn't fair to him. I haven't
done anything to him...in a long time. Partically the only
way I get pleasure or enjoy myself is if I'm thinking of
other things and that's just wrong. I'm done ranting.


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