Sodapop

Pardon me while I burst into Flames
2002-02-28 15:34:32 (UTC)

Strange Condition

OK so ive done it again..fucked myself over. I cried my
eyes out last night thinking about all this crap. My
parents and their overall ability to well, be good parents,
my lack of appreciation for my parents, my brother's
problems that im not supposed to know about, my friends and
their..well everything. Just everything. And my eyes
swelled up again. what the hell is THAT?! So then this
morning my mother transformed into a gigantic flaming bitch
and i was very surprised. she turned on me! geez. How could
she. So i called my dad, weeping, and he freaked out, and
got all scared because he knows im a spaz and that i have
fits of rage in which i like to break various electronics.
And he excused me from school, but then i called the she-
devil and told her and she said i had to go in by 11am.
Sure, ill do that, but i was planning on doing that anyway.
You know i thought about it, and i would love to
just...bitch my advisor out. I will, too, when i graduate.
Ill bitch her out real good. What a cunt. I think ill bitch
out a lot of people when i graduate, and i think ill love
it, because ill pack up and get the hell outta there the
next day. HAHAHHA. geez. So yeah i said something really
mean about my brother. well it was about my brother, sort
of, but it was directed at my mother, and indirectly my dad
too. My mother was telling me that she doesnt have time for
me, and that she can only give me like a half hour everyday
at a certain time, and that she has to talk to my brother
for an hour at ten b/c thats when he gets out of class. So
i burst, bitching about how if i got this, and i
quote, "Beautifully elaborate psychological problem", my
parents would love me more/pay more attention to me/be nice
to me. I went on relentlessly, using phrases like "fucked
up in the head", etc. Yeah i feel bad. I guess i sort of
resent him, but at the same time i feel really bad for him.
I guess, now that i think about it, i resent my parents. I
dont resent him. Where were they when i was talking to him
like EVERYDAY. and we were (well i thought we were) talking
about our problems. I guess we werent though. But i cared
about his emotions and all that crap. Really, i did. And
now what happens? This crap. geez/ where the hell is my
sister in all this? Going to CA for spring break. WHat am i
doing? sitting on my ass instead of going to CA to visit
schools. almost all the schools im applying to are CA
schools. Geez. SHIT that reminds me i have to apply for the
SAT 2. I dont think im ever going to come back here, until
its all over. Until dad dies, i guess. Ill come back, we'll
tear down the house, and build a new one. It's sad that i
even think about these things...but theyre so close. Ill be
graduating in a year and a half. THats so close. THen
college, hten before i know it, dad'll die. He's gettin to
the end of his rope. So we'll build the house. Hopefully my
moms stepdad will get hit by a bus or something. THen my
mom'll go eventually. And then it'll all be over. Just
memories. Ew whenever i think of people dying and becoming
memories i think of the old titanic lady. GOD! movies these
days!! Ok i should prolly get off my arse and go to school
or something. K BYE!


Current Mood: EH...Pretty pissed off and getting over it
Now Playing: "Tomorrow never dies" ~Sheryl Crowe

~Soda




Ad: