my life (as told by me)
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2002-02-28 03:44:59 (UTC)

ups and downs....

it's the 27th, and i dont know why i'm not asleep right
now. i guess it's because i have a lot on my mind and need
to get it out. anyways, i told josh last night that i liked
him.....and i feel so much better now that i did it. but i
have no clue what's going to happen now. unfortuately, he
has a girlfriend at this time. but, what happens after
that, it's all in his hands right now. he knows, and what
he chooses to do with that information is souly up to him.
and i just hope it's something good....anyways, i called
and scheduled my road test. it's on april first. great day
for it! april fools day. lol. i just hope i pass. i'm sure
i will...i just need to parallel park some more. and i did
my interview for my term paper. it was quite easy. and i'm
usualy scared to do stuff like that. i feel so much better
now that it's done with. anyways, i feel kind of bad right
now. like somehow i've made things worse for
know who you are...and if i did, i'm sorry, because that
was never my intention. but if what you told me is in fact
what you want to do, i will understand....i just hope you
make the right decision, because i feel bad about it. i
feel like i did something wrong. like always, i can never
do much right. it always seems that every corner i turn at,
there is another accident waiting for me to make it happen.
no matter what i do, even if i dont do anything at all,
someone either hates me, or gets hurt. dont get me wrong, i
love life so much...i just dont like some of the people
i've met along the way. especially the ones who hurt people
emotionally for their own pleasure. what's the point in
that? "oh look i made her cry. i feel big and tough now!"
no, see, what you are is a jackass who has no self esteem.
you cant live your unhappy life unless someone else is
unhappy right along side you. i mean, come on, that was
what, kindergarten behavior? grow up. how about this. how
about you and your little buddies hurt each other for once.
and when one of you is in tears and the others are
laughing, you'll see just how funny it really is. and then
maybe, just maybe, you'll wake up and realize that you cant
live in your dream world forever. that there is such thing
as reality. and guess what...we all have to face it. no
matter who the hell we are. it's there. so tough it up and
face life for once. anyways, on a lighter note, my dad's
getting me an electric bass guitar...which i've wanted for
about five years but wasnt serious til two years ago. so
tomorrow we're gonna go look at one and if i dont like it,
i get the one from his catalog. well i should go to
bed...but there is one last thing i want to say....enjoy
your life, and let others enjoy theirs. dont bring someone
down because you're down. leave them be. and just remember,
what you wake up to every day is reality. but what you do
during that day can make the difference between what is
real life or what is your fantasy land.....choose wisely,
because you only live once. and no matter what, live it to
it's fullest, or you're going to regret it all some day. as
of now, i regret nothing....and i'm happy.....give it a
try, wont ya?