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2002-02-28 02:07:04 (UTC)

again and again

it sucks when you care about people and you suck and then
they dont know it and they think that you dont care.
and i dont know.
i had a really good time at the show last night. a really
fucking great time.

i feel like im taking all the steps back
and now ive lost my footing altogether
and i dont know whether im falling or standing or sitting
or screaming
i cant see through the shit and i dont know what im feeling
so dont ask me anymore.
dont ask me anything.
pain is the only thing i fucking feel
and its what makes me fucking deal
so scratch my eyes and bruise my thighs
again and again
at least you make me feel and least thats fucking real
i love you i love you i love you im sick of fucking typing
it im sick of it all im fucking done with it
you dont even listen to me
i dont blame you for not taking what i say to heart
i doubt id even remember what i said.
head ground heart
it better not to say anything
its better not to be heard
cuz im scared of repeating things
im scared of what ive said.
too much force to talk.
and i dont want to get the reaction.
chew and chew lost and found fucking fur and tofu and i
hate and i hate and i hate to be like this i hate youve
made me like this i hate that i dont know what else to do
all i have is contempt and anger
lay down.
yeah yeah no.
its not going to help.
this isnt going away
no fucking matter what i do.
but im not doing anythig.
im not even
im not even.
im tired of playing the pissed off game
of what can i say
whats right right now
tone of voice.
touch of hand.
love love love
screaming sighing
look furthur
i swear it means more
i swore against whores.
you are what you eat?
where do you end up
right where you begin
to just go around again
are you reading.
are you feeling.
i doubt it i do.
id try to explain love
but i cant even remember half of what im pissed about
and even if i could.
im sick of being told that im wrong for feeling.
turn it off ashley.
make it make sense to them.
no no i dont i dont i just dont but i do
again and again
and thats bad for you and so is that and
thats all i want
all i want is the bad shit
coffee inhale kiss
fuck me.
retreat. defeat.
again and again.