synthetic_kitten

Someone like you
2002-02-27 20:46:12 (UTC)

ok, i figured that i should..

ok, i figured that i should update again so that i dont get
too off track.
we are still trying with this baby thing, and i should
know by next weekend (the 9th or 10th) if it worked or not. i
have more confidence in this time because we did on the 12th,
the 14th, the 15th and the 16th, which covers most of the
days that it was supposed to happen. i dont have the doubts i
did last time but it is still way to early to even hope.
i hope it worked this time because if it didnt we'll
have to wait a few months before trying again. march is no
good because we dont need anything else to happen in december
what with mine and m's birthdays and christmas to top. then
january and february arent too good either because it is in
the middle of the school year. the soonest again would have
to be july, because 9 months from then is april, which isnt
too bad. september or october would be the very best though,
because then she would be born in the middle of summer.
i think i am getting a bit obsessed with this whole baby
thing, but it is hard not to. ive always needed something to
cling to and this happens to be it. i hope it works!
nothing has happened yet, and i was feeling crampy
yesterday,which isnt a good sign considering if i did get my
period it would be sometime this week. i am hoping that it
wont come.
if its going to though, it would almost be better if it
did today or tomorrow, because then all the hoping is
eliminated. i wont have to sit and wonder anymore. ill just
die if it is late though. if it is 6 days late or so it will
build up my excitement and my sureness so much that if it
wasnt true i would be crushed. that is what really started
this all in the first place. i thought i was pregnant around
christmas and thought about it a lot and then found out that
i wasnt and cried.
thats when i decided me and michael should stop using
condoms.
i keep thinking that maybe we should wait because i am a
bit young even for a teen pregnancy but really, im not. i was
reading the diary of a girl today that got pregnant when she
was thirteen and is fourteen with a 1 year old. im fifteen
and im not even pregnant yet, and it looks as if, the rate
that we are going, that i would be sixteen my the time i have
her anyway.
part of the reason that this is exciting is because of
all the support i would get. sure all the adults would hate
me, cept for m's momma, cuz she had angela when she was 17,
but all my friends would be just as excited as i am. holly is
having a baby shower and its a gurl. :( im so jealous. but i
think that my friends would be more supportive than her. ill
be a better momma anyway, and ill love it more because of how
bad i want it now.
now we just gotta wait again. i swear the waiting is the
hardest part.




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