Gather around the fire while we roast dogs and foul
Welcome, children, to my wild world of enchantment.
Passings in my life:
I am making a lot of money lately because I can sell a
bicycle to a cripple, to invent my own cliche.
I have a great girlfriend. She rocks my world.
I eat a lot of chicken.
I talk to Sib all the time and she tells me what's going on
around me. Sib is dead.
I like to smoke black & milds more than cigarettes these
I drink more coffee than some entire offices.
I listen to POP almost exclusively now, only interspersing
it with classical music to remind myself that I am not a 14
year old girl.
I tend to wear the same jeans four or five days in a row
before I realize that I have other clothes that are being
I think I have finally decided on a good way to manage my
facial hair. I also shave in between my eyebrows. Amanda
told me this is a sign a guy has a girlfriend because he
knows how to keep himself. I do not, however, shave my
legs, armpits, chest, or pubes (anymore).
I like burning candles these days. Sometimes I pretend I am
in the days before electricity. Then I see my computer
monitor flashing and remember I am a moron.
I just got a really nice keychain the other night from my
mom that she got from a medicine representative at work. It
is heavy and made of steel.
Though it is in the 50's outside, I am wearing shorts and
I have roast beef and yogurt in the car that I wish to eat
soon. I will wash this down with yet more coffee.
I am using a computer reserved for Zip Disks despite the
fact I find them to be a useless invention with the advent
of CD burners. Needless to say, I have no zip disk in the
computer. Being that I am a big beotch, however, none of
the computer lab workers have dared to mention this to me
My calves are really tight and strong. It is enabling me to
make beotches look silly when they get dunked on by my white
ass repeatedly at the park.
Despite the fact I slept for 10.5 hours last night, my eyes
bear bags beneath them. I still am not sure why this is.
Even though my dog is nuetered, I am convinced he has not
lost his sex drive. God bless him.
I continually rip my hang nails off of my fingers which
leaves them in a raw, barren state. I probably look as
though I am the victim of some strange POW torturing
experiment went wrong.
I would prefer to be in a situation sweating my ass off and
very dehydrated opposed to shivering in the cold. My
nutsack basically has dictated that this is what is best.
God bless the man who learned how to first make beer.
Also God Bless Henry Crapper, the inventor of the modern day
toilet. I do not know who invented the urinal, but God
Bless him, too.
My teeth are very white. I make my dentist proud of me--and
When the world's population reaches 10 billion, I am
searching for a remote island in the south Pacific to start
my own elitist colony. I will only permit intelligent
people to live there and we will not communicate with the
outside world at all.
If any of those people die, we will not hesitate to eat
their remains like savages. Looks can be deceiving, I
I also plan to reconstuct Bach using a computer simulation
and DNA engineering. Following this, he will be enslaved in
a cage with only an organ and forced to serenade us. In
exchange, he will receive an unlimited supply of watermelon
and maize which our slaves will harvest. The slaves will be
those we capture in our conquest of the island of Japan.
I plan on inventing a new calendar that is dependent upon
Following this, I am going to ensure that we make some large
mark on the moon using lasers. It will read something
important. That message has yet to be determined.
We will import and breed goats, who will be treated as our
equals and given domain over our fields.
I now realize, that without doubt, I am insane in every
sense of the word.
Thank you for touring my brain today. I bid you farewell.