Annie D

Babydoll
2002-02-27 15:03:31 (UTC)

Suicidal

Hit me back w/ what u think of this


The air smelled of freshly cut grass, with a hint of the
previous days rain shower. Never before had the sun
shone quite so brightly, never before had the aroma of
the lilacs smelled quite so strongly. It was a gorgeous
day, a great day simply to be alive. After the heart ache
of the last week, Maria appreciated the singing birds
even more that morning. It was odd how someone so
torn apart and ravaged by lives cruelty could appreciate
the small things in the day.
As she stood there listening to the words the preacher
said, she wondered why anyone would want to give up
and throw in the towel. Surely things could never get so
bad to let everything go, to give up on your family and
friends. To miss out on a beautiful day like this, and all
because of a few things which had gone wrong in your
life? She began to notice the many headstones around
her, some older than time itself, others much too fresh.
Some of the dates on them showed a long life, with a
loving family and meaningful life. Others were cut
drastically short, only a few years of life. Surely not long
enough to enjoy the many wonders of life.
She focused back to Richard’s ceremony. It was a
shame he wasn’t here to enjoy the service, to hear all of
the wonderful things that everyone had to say about
him. He was so young, so full of life as someone said.
Too young to die. But it had been a choice, one that
each person standing around the casket regretted that
he had made. Each one felt guilty in a way, wondering
if they maybe they had taken a little more time, if maybe
Richard would be there with them all today. Maria
herself wondered why he had done it. Had she not
given of herself enough to make him happy? Did he do
it because he wasn’t happy in their relationship? No,
these thoughts weren’t healthy, she knew she
shouldn’t think like this. She instead focused her
thoughts on other things, like the headstone. It wasn’t
nearly big enough to be a monument to his life. And the
casket was much too small, Richard had been a big
man.
She remembered the funeral they had attended only
six months earlier, when it had been his best friend
who was being lowered into the ground. They had held
each other at the tragedy, as the finals words were
being said, as he was being lowered. The headstone
hadn’t been large enough then either, Maria recalled.
Everything had seemed to be fine on that day as well.
Richard was calm and composed, not breaking down
in front of everyone. Who ever would have thought that
he felt responsible for the death of his friend, that in just
a short time, she would be standing here all alone,
watching as they also lowered his body into the ground.
Life was too short, not long enough to be wasted over
past guilts.




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