even elizabeth hurley goes to the loo
so, this last week.. its been so off, its crazy... but
great.... and tonight i cried with lee, becuase he realized
the bullshit wasn;t his.. you know? like, it shoudn't be...
and i think hes gonna be better for it... its kind of been
a week of realization.. and more illegal things than ever
in proabably my entire life... and its slightly
rediculous... so.. i dont; knwo what im goign to do
tomrow... but im proabably not goign to smoke any more
cigarettes... even though i did tonight, and told myself i
woudn;t... but, i thik that in my time, that id say i
smoked cigarettes, which hopefully will be over soon, i
really never had a pack of my own, inever opened a pack,
and really, didn't smoke most of them on my own.. so... i
dont; knwo, woudl i consititute a smoker? i woudl say no...
also, i am me, and of course id say no, but... in terms of
yes's and no's, id say no... but thats over, i think..
cause.. iknwo i say this alot, and nevr stick true, but i
really think its over.. also... i don't know.. i don't want
to be scared anymore, and i don;t want to bullshit.. this
was so much easier earlier tonight when i was a little bit
drunk... all these things that ive been saying im goign to
do because im not scared, and all these.. things still that
ive been saying that i neeed to do, i don't... because im
scared.. and i thought that i wasn't, but i really think
that i am still... but not for long, maybe i hope.. cause i
dont; think , now that i know, its worth what i does to me
to be scared.. it really fucks me up inside... to be
scared, liek it rips me up.. cause its like, i knwo what i
shoudl be doing, but am i? never.. and its liek, but i
should be.. ack... but.. really i think im goign to try to
do things right.. and i hope more than anything that im
goign to wake up tomorow and do the things that ive been
telling myself i'll do, and i wish i coudl do it tonight,
more than anything,but i can;'t.. cause its almost 3 am...
so i do tomorow... and i will no longer miss my chances...
oy fucking vey... life is a trip man,it really is...
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