rythchi

Reflections of a Slacker
2002-02-27 08:53:26 (UTC)

What I Used to be Like

Ramblings of a Former Self

one time i think i almost died. No, i stopped on my
own. Here comes big denial---i didn't need to go to rehab
because i wasn't addicted, i just was experimenting and
liked it so much. i wanted to try everything

this is what i didn't try that i know of::
heroin
ecstacy
crack


my boyfriend at the time was all into everything, and he
drank a bottle of vodka with liquid acid and he was totally
fucked up and he was tripping for like a week and acting
really scary. i tried to help him through it, but he was
just talking craziness. When i saw how pathetic he was i
decided to get out. we broke up and sometimes i talk to
him now and he is still really fucked up. i think it fried
his brain seriously. that was almost 3 yrs ago

i had problem with coke for a while. if i think about it
now i know that i want it, and i dont know if i'd be able
to resist it if i were really rich

he was a SERIOUS asshole. that was the best thing that
ever could have happened to me, for real

sometimes i think i might, but i KNOW that i wouldn't, but
them sometimes i think i might.

its just the thought.
i was at my friend's house and we did it, and you get this
numby feeling on your teeth and face and stuff, and when
the numby feeling started to go away i did more lines and
more lines, like "i can handle it"

(when i used to do it i would need a bottle of vodka to
drink straight to combat the down, because it was really
painful. like i would cry and stuff)

so we were doing it and i kept THINKING that i was coming
down even though i wasn't, so i kept doing more lines--so
smart!

and when all the coke was gone i began to panic inside my
head
my friend began to drink and went to use the bathroom and
i felt myself getting really tired but not tired...i guess
its hard to explain

so i got scared and went to go out of the room to get my
friend and i collapsed on the wall holding the doorknob and
was kinda "in my own place". I don't remeber anything else
until my friend burst in the door. with my hand on the
doorknob it scared me, like back to consciousness.

that was the last time i ever did that

i just remember the jolt of the door and how i jumped and
stuff

and yeah, i finished that whole bottle of vodka that
night. i know, i wonder though, if i was od-ing or not




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