thez0079

life as it is
2002-02-27 02:52:18 (UTC)

Yeah

....so its like 9:30 on a teusday night. Anyway, most of my
9 theraists agreed on one thing, i need to talk more. and
since i have extreme trouble talking to any of the people i
deem closest to me, i figure hey, im insane enough i can
talk to a little box. haaha, i said box. i'll revise that,
i can talk to a computer screen, sweet. Anyway, my
boyfriend of three months and I broke up on friday, and it
just hit me today. He was amoung my top three BEST friends,
and the fact that im losing that makes me want to die. its
horrible, its like i lost a very significant part of
myself. Anyway, I dont really know how im dealing with
another big loss of myself, my family. I try to act like
its not bothering me. I suppose it really is though, Will
Smith an DJ Jazzy Jeff were indeed correct in a simple
dogmatic truth of the eary ninties. Parents just dont
understand. but the neon jump-suits and backwards jumbo
caps might not have been quite so universal.I cant remember
the last time i saw my mom, i mean of course i remember
seeing her, it wasnt that long ago. But i dont remember
when it was, what day or what happened. There was no big
goodbye scene, she said she was leaving indefinitely to
visit my little sister and had no idea when she was coming
back. but back to john, he hugged me today. when he did it
it was so weird, a surge of emotion that is beyond words
passed through me, it was a feeling that i knew i could
never get back. i dontknow what to do, i wish i knew all
the answers. Last night he told me i was a good person and
it made me sick, liteally, to my stomach. i felt
nausious... My other friends are an interesting sort. Laura
is 17 going on 25, shes very old for her age. We dont hang
out as much as we used to but we are still very close.
Today we deicided to learn and random language such as Thai
or Zulu that no one else would understand(inm this
hemisphere anyway,except for the weird thai gu in 10th
grade) sothat we can talk shit about a certain someone
without them hearing. T is a compilation of many things. I
hope he never completley snaps cause im afraid that is form
of totaly insanity will be like muliple personality
disorer...and i have enough trouble keeping up with his
moods. but its cool, t and i are tight. We share manic
depressive bonds, which are contrary to popular belief
stronger than covalent bonds. we smoke and bitch and we
support eachother through our bad times. I really hope he
fids some release from his pain. speaking of bitch, kristen
and i speak bitch. oh yeah its a language. its very high
pitched, it tends to make peoples ears bleed. shes funny,
but can be fatal in large doses, shes violated my trust a
couple times and i dont know.I'm gonna go to bed now. i'll
write more tomrrow, gnight.




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