out of reach
irritated. that's how i feel today. and again i can't
quite explain myself. in ceramics class today we had a
sub. i was finished with my project anyway so i figured
i'd just read. however, the obnoxiously loud girls that
are in my class plagued my concentration and it took me
like ten minutes to get through one page. they don't
really know how to talk to one another. i'm pretty sure
none of them listen to each other. they just sort of shout
above each other longing to be heard and the center of
attention. very very irritating.
my mother has been irritating me a lot lately also. i
can't explain it. she makes me so uncomfortable. i cringe
when she touches me and if she's in my room on the computer
i get nervous and angry and i begin to pace back and
forth. the worst part is i know she loves me. she spoils
me to no end. i have no reason to feel this angst towards
my mother and i feel really ashamed that i do. i try to
hide it from her and everyone else as much as possible.
i'll put on an act giving hugs and expressing my love. but
its forced affection and i'm deeply ashamed that i do it.
i've been reading ordinary people lately. i read it the
summer before last i think and i loved it. i love it even
more the second time around. it makes me wish i was in
therapy so i could have as good of a friend as dr. berger.
this was actually the book that got me hooked into
psychology. i always had an interest in it but i think
everyone has somewhat of an interest on how everything
works up there.
i should probably start applying for some scholarships now
before my parents kill me.