Queen Bee

2002-02-25 23:22:15 (UTC)

more tears.

The feeling of love is a wonderful thing, i had that
feeling, then it was ripped away so fast i didnt know what
to do and i still dont. Last night was the shedding of more
tears, lots of tears, so many i couldnt wipe them away fast
enough. 20 mins of straight crying and i feel as if there
is more left in me. cuz today no matter how happy i looked,
the pain was almost unbearable. All day i saw couples in
love and realized, that could be me except for the simple
fact that i have no who loves me. I have Raves and jess but
thats the kinda love i have felt and already have but dont
need. I cant help but think its me although i hear
differently. I cant help but think if i was prettier,
smarter, something this wouldnt have happened,that the
shedding of tear were happy tears, but they arent, they are
anything but happy. I cant stand feeling this way but it
feels as if its the only way i feel, or the only way i can
feel. Im so sick of feelings that i could cry (shocker).
the concept of feelings are dumb, all they do is hurt you
more. the only pain i can really handle right now is the
pain i have inflicted upon my self, its the only pain i
know will go away andi can control it. the cuttting was not
because of me ex, its the pure simple fact of feeling this
way all the time. I am so tired of feeling like no one
cares, that no one knows what its like to wake up everyday
and to just want to end their lives because of the pain i
have to feel. its not just my ex its everyhting, there is
so much shit going on i have no idea which way to go. I
shall go and cry my heart out now. I love you all.