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El Diablo
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2002-02-25 15:28:29 (UTC)

The best day i had in months

Dear diary,

Today i have a feeling of satisfaction. I feel that i have
fianlly broken free. I now feel like a "washing Machine!!!"
that has stopped tumbling. All this happened when i sent
that one mail. It wasent that i was waiting for a reply,
cuz I knew what the reply would say (I will elaborate that
thought in some other entry). It was just that i wanted to
get it out of me. I wanted to say what was in my heart. (
Believe me..... saying it to the wall does not help!!!! ....... just
kidding :-) ) i wanted someone who i could say this to. I had no
one....absolutely no one! (no offense to you, my dear little diary).
Sometimes i feel that i should just pick up the phone and dial any
number and start telling that person my blues. If i dial a hundred
wrong numbers, what are the chances of me getting a nice old lady
ready to listen to a nice little fable from a nice little guy like
me :D ..........

Nways ...... today dear diary, ied like to tell you how i
got into the hole thing in the first place (i purposly miss-
spelled the word :-) ) As you know (maybe you dont) that i
am a computer programmer. And i always had a dream to
create artificial life. ie create a software that could
think for its self. ( all this insperation i got by
watching "the terminator" about a zillion times :-) ). I
read books on AI ....i read forums on it .....i joined
discussion groups etc etc etc ........ but none of their
ideas matched with what i had in mind. i had made a rough
sketch of the human mind. ( All thanks to my Psychology
teacher ... for making the subject this interesting.........in her
first class she said "If you master this subject, you will be able
to read the face of a person and tell what he is thinking!!"and by
saying this ...she always made me nervous when ever i went her
tests with out studing) Now, in this sketch i tried to
include every possible areas of the human beings thinking
process.( for all you psychologists out there, I made use
of the Freudian theory of the mind). I dident have a
driving licence at that time, so this is when i learnt that
a bus is the best place for sitting and observing peoples
behaviour and theorizing. Well thats what i used to do. You
can also make enimies this way though ........ i was once
observing this female having an argument with the driver.
After the argument was over, I looked at her one last time
(she was short, fat and ugly.....so i wasent looking at her
in THAT way, dont worry :-) ) then put my head down and
started writing down points. Now...she saw me looking at
her all this time and when i started writing down
something.....she knew it was about her......... she was
MAD. she got right up and asked me "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU
ARE LOOKING AT????"..... Gosh, i was never shouted at by
such a fat and ugly female before. She looked even more
horid this way. :-s I was laughing more at this situation
rather then being scared!!! He he

Nways .....thats besides the point.............Now, there
was one area that always baffeled me. and that was love. (
this may sound really corney...but here it goes...) "why do
people fall in love" this is a more scientific question
then a romantic one. I spent days of bus travel just
thinking about this ( I even missed my get-off point
twice). I saw people all around me falling in love ( makes
me wonder why i dident notice this in people before )
Teenagers barely out of school saying "I love you ....i
cant live with you" ........ damn ...... these "kidddds"
are even younger then i am ( and I was 21 then ...for all
those who are thinking that i may be a good 45 - 50..... he
he ) what do they know about love! BUT for that
matter ....what did *I* know about love!!!! the only
beautiful sweetheart i knew (and still love very much) is
the my sweet darling "janemaan" ..... I energize her
heart each time i boot her up at night ....my computer,
silly...... i know all you GUYS were thinking of something
else.....for shammmme..... I dident expect this of you :-
( ..... Nways...... so my project was halted..... ...... So there
you have it, my heart was shattered. But this had a positive side to
it tooooo .......... I finally knew what *Love* ment (well
atleast *I* did) I can now start working on my halted
project again :-) .......... yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa ..... but to
tell you the truth dear diary, i dont think we humans will ever
be able to create an inntellegent mind that could feel the
values of Love. Because love cannot be explained using
logic......... Atleast I wont be able to do it....cuz each
time i open that chapter, i see nothing but blank
pages...and you know why those pages are blank ? because
the author coudent stop thinking about the other person
when he was supposed to be taking
notes!!! ..........................

But now there is just one problem .........I HAVE A DRIVING
LISENCE NOW .......AND A CAR TOOOOO ....... as it is i get
late in the morning to go to the office and i have to make
like a fox and manage to my seat with out being seen. If my
boss askes me "where have you been all this time???? " i
throw my usual diaglog ........ "i was in the kitchen
making coffee, then went to the loo ...then helped jeena
fix her computer ........but the question is....where were
YOU all this time????? "

I bunked college
todaaaayyyyyyy .............yaaaaaaaaa ......... i had to
give that stupid presentation. ( no more comments
here .....just in case my teacher reads this entry. I told
her that i was sick!!!! Rather original excuse, isent it?
and had it posponed for next week)

I only got 3 hours of sleep last night :-( ........... i
slept at around 3:50 and my mum threw me out of bed at
about 7 ish after atempting to wake me the more peace full
and civilised way.

So i guess this is farewell from my side.......... untill
my next entry .........

(Damn....i seem to have written a novel here. should try to
cut down :-) )

Take care of your self (4 me)

-El Diablo


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