The Shadow of Myself
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2002-02-25 06:03:41 (UTC)

I try too hard..

I think that sometimes I'm a little too much for myself.
I'm very emotional and I take a lot of things personally.
I hate learning bad things about other people that change
my opionion of them. I want to think that deep down
everyone is good.

So anyway.. what I really want to say is that I've decided
something. I'm going to not try as hard. I think I'm
probably putting too much effort into certian things. Thus,
I'm causing myself a lot more grief than I really need.
It's kinda like.. I am dramatic anyway.. so you add that to
the fact that I'm totally putting myself out there.. I mean
whoa. I have too much of an excuse to be a wreck. I don't
want to be a wreck. I know exactly what I want.. well what
I think I want anyway. I want my faith to grow. I want to
be able to answer other people's questions about faith like
some of my friends can. I feel like I can't ever help
someone with scripture and things like that b/c I don't
know enough. I feel so inadequate. It's like I say the
same things to people no matter what their situation.
Granted.. my heart is in the right place and I do really
want to help them. However.. sometimes I think they may
not realize that. I've been told I do well at putting my
feelings into words. I'm starting to doubt that though. I
never feel like I am fully understood as I want to be. I
suppose that maybe people do understand but I never feel
like that. It's a bit of a helpless feeling too. I always
want to be honest and tell people flat out how I feel but
most of the time it doesn't come out how I mean for it to,
and I think that causes a lot of misunderstandings.

Ohh.. and just a little random info for you. This week is
going to be a little different for me. I'm not saying
why. I'm just saying that I'm looking forward to it. I'm
excited to see what I do. Yeah.. anyway... :)