Til Now
2002-02-25 05:46:26 (UTC)

Long Time No Write.

Well things got hectic. Let's recap all that has been
going on around here. we lost contact with so many people
its crazy. stacy hasnt talk to me in about 3 months. i
dont talk to nic anymore. heidi is off in her on world and
all i have to say about them is that there was a lot of he
said/she said bu11sh!t. I dont talk to Paul anymore
because his cell phone is turned off. his man probably
didnt mention to pau1 that i was trying to get in contact
with him. kim and her daughter are staying with another
man. who by the way is named chris (like her ex-husband).
me oh my. the madness doesnt stop.

anyways, that just the least of my worries. things between
my bf and i have been rocky. i fail to see the difference
between the straight and bi/gay relationship... i mean we
all get into arguments about stupid shit and we all dont
get anywhere when we all try to express ourselves... i
feel so bad that i have to expose aaron with my past.

my past... hmm. another tough subject. it is very hard to
have to deal with child abuse, sexual abuse/assault, anger
mismanagement, a broken home, and above all being bisexual.

i have spoken with my counselor and well we all agreed that
this was a tough road to travel but life isnt easy. but i
do realize that some people have it better off... even
though most are self-assorbed ignorant backstabbing
unapreciative childish bastards who dont understand that
the world is not a happy-happy-joy-joy place.

i am bitter at a lot of people. especially with people who
think im having the time of my life, enjoying what the navy
has to offer (seeing the world). when thats what i want
them to see. they just dont know that im hurting right
now... not just mentally (headaches) but physically (being
drained) how did i make it this far? i dont really know
the answer to that but hey what didnt kill me made me
stronger? {{i wish it did}}

i feel so alone. nothing seems to look up anymore. i have
been in the most awkward positions in my life. i dont see
the silver lining on the clouds because right now its a
hurricane. i dont see an end to this shit.

all i have is the air in my lungs and still that is
poisoned. FUCK!

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