humming bird

my F***ed up head
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2002-02-24 23:07:20 (UTC)

violence shouldnt be the answer

yeah so if anyone read my previous entry they would know
that me and jason r or were fighting or whatever and he
called me at ten this mornign and goes i'm coming to get u
in 30 minutes like nothing is wrong or someting and whatev
we smoked and then i'm so dumb becuz i had sex with him
again and i really shouldnt keep doing that becuz we just
fought yesterday and then he basically just used me and
then cuz we got into a lil tiff again after we fucked i'm
like right screw this but ok listen.. i was like freaking
the shit out of myself this morningi wake up at five in the
morning and i am like soooo violent becuz i had just woken
up from some dream where jason was with candy and like
kissing and hugging and they were going out and like i fell
back asleep but i woke up literally like 4 or 5 more times
between then and 10 o clock and everytime i was more and
more pissed becuz i kept having these dreams of him being
with her and i knew he was with her last night and i hate
it that i dont know what they did and i just want to tear
her to peices, i swear to god if i find out they did
anything i swear to god if i ever see her i dont know what
i would do.. i'd want to fucking flip on her but i'd be
afrid i would just keep hitting her u know omg i swear i
have never wanted more pain on someone then i do her i
swear this morning liek i knew that they were dreams but it
still seemed so real and she seemed so close to me and i
wanted to kill her i woke up and beat the shit outta my bed
and i just cant fucking stand it, i have never felt this
type of anger before , its really not a good thing i dont
think... ugh whatever... i'm out......julz


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