jessica

my b-day in 6 days!!

well in 6 days i will be 15 and over this year i have
grown alot. i have learned that not everyone is nice to u
even if u havent even ever talked to them before. i
learned that b-ball is harder than it seems( and i didint
think it was going to be easy to begin with? i know there
is ppl in my grade that have got it alll together but u
know it aint possible and i wonder what is it that there
problem is. are they insecure adn dont show it? i come
from a divorced family i havent had a boyfriend yet and i
aint active in alot of things i would like to be in just
b/c im a shy. but this girl alicia has what seems like a
great family. is involed in mant things, doesnt even have
a study hall, went to states for cross country, has many
guys like her that rnt icky and want to go out w. her but
she refuses them b/c she doesnt want to tbe distracted and
she gets good grades and on top of it all everyone likes
her. i mean there has got to be something wrong w/ her
wouldnt u think i mean nobody has got it that together and
it just bothers me. i wish i was her if anyone. i mean she
has everything u would want as a teenager. i would
probably make different choices w/ herchoices but she has
got it all. it bugs me even thoug i talk to her alot. i
feel so much older since the beginning of this yr. i felt
so small and like i didnt belong on the first day and now
its no big deal at all. it s weird. well tjis i aint
having any of my friends over for a b-day party b/c i only
have one close friend i would in vite i did have 3 at the
beginning of the yr and two hate me now so i really dont
want to have anyone come over. its reallly sad that i dont
have anyone every year i have like 4 ppl come and i just
dont have anyone this yr. there has to be something wrong
w. me, i hate high school b/c i do nt get to see most of
my friends that i did last yr b/c there all college prep
and i am in honors. well i guess that is it for right now
excapt th=at i get to paint my room a blue color tomorrow
itr will be pretty, and i will clean my room out. well ui
better get off the internet. but one more thing last night
i went to my cousins house and we ran around w/ my four yr
old lil sis chasing after us and it was so much fun b/c i
felt like i didnt have a care in the world and i know i
will have to wory bout bills and crap when i get older and
getting asked out or making the national honor society
wont even matter and not having ppl come to a party will
be no big deal but it is a big deal right now and i wish
my like only had one ofthose problems to deal with like
not having a boyfriend b/c i think thaty is the least inp
one to me but i do want on though write back to me
please. even if its just to say hi i know what ur going
through.
~*jess*~