Mojojojo

My So-Called Life
2002-02-24 17:08:40 (UTC)

Problems of Sensitivity

A lot of things have happened to me in the past year or so.
I became the person I am now. (wow...whoohoo) haha...when I
was a bit younger - I was like...the tough-acting girl who
always hung out with her brother. I really did hang around
Ben a lot...but lately...the girl in me has shown itself
more. Actually - its a very cool thing.
Anyways...other than that, I have come to the realization
that I notice detail, I notice peoples tones of voice when
they speak, and if I don't understand what it means, I will
get worried. *Sensitivity* comes in here. I am very
sensitive - I take things to heart. May be why I have
decided that compliments are some of the most awesome
things in this world. So, with that...here is how
everything I just said comes to my personal situation.
Talking on the phone with John, lately, he hasn't sounded
AS interested in talking as he had just the weekend before.
(The weekend he asked me out.)
...take note that conversation is also very important to
me - I love more than anything to be able to have an in-
depth conversation with someone who is willing and
interested in the topic...
Well...anyways...he had been looking through a car magazine
of some sort the second time I called, and as he asked if
he could call me back in a couple of minutes, I felt
relieved and decided, "He wouldn't ask to call back in TWO
minutes if he wasn't really going to...".
He didn't call back.
So here I am, the next morning, undecided of whether or not
I should take it to heart, or to make up some excuse for
him. I already know that sometimes he just doesn't have
anything to talk about...it's understood. But, I havent
talked to him in about a week...and last Friday, I didn't
even know he was in school until I was already on my bus
waiting to get home. Thank God, he actually waved - that
relieved me.
The only thing I am really worried or confused about, is
what to think of these actions. I know that I...god, I know
that I love him.
I guess the only thing I can think is to talk to him. And
try to get past this sensitivity - whatever may happen.
(Which I hope to god -if there is one- that nothing bad
will happen.) Sundays have seemed good times to talk
before, but luck runs out - if I can believe in such a
thing.
I have gotten nowhere with this...good bye.