phantasmagoria

phantasmagoria
2002-02-24 07:36:44 (UTC)

the show

so hunter's band played at the art studio tonight. richard
and i left to go get food. we did come back, but only for
like five minutes. so then when we got back to the dorms,
i realized i'd left my purse at church's. so after i got
it, i commented on the fact that all five of the people
there had made fun of me and that i don't handle being made
fun of very well. so he says that i'm right, but the main
problem is that i think people are making fun of me when
they aren't. like this evening when i said something and
hunter made fun of it for a while. richard said he wasn't
making fun of me, just the idea. i really don't see how
that's any different, if it was my idea, he really is
making fun of me. he also said that i get offended way too
easily. so, even though i knew he wasn't, it felt like he
was making fun of me and i cried almost. it was terrible.
so i was relating this to laura and she totally agreed.
that i get offended way too easily. i didn't really know
that. or that is was that obvious anyway.
and when she first came into my room, she asked if we'd had
a lot of fun or something, because i looked happy, and
generally that wasn't the case. do i really look sad all
the time? so i told richard she said that and he was like
whoa, i always thought you were one of the few peolpe who
seemed at least marginally happy all the time here. which
is not true at all. i guess they just see different sides
of me that i didn't realize were that different. i
generally only get depressed at night. and there've been
more than a few times when laura's been in my room (or vice
versa) that i've just started crying for no apparent
reason. i never thought she noticed though. so i'm not
sure what to think. but i'm not happy. that's for damn
sure.




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