Manifestoes From The Amusement Park
2002-02-24 06:56:40 (UTC)

The Future Is X-Rated

I can still smell you on my clothes and on my skin. Your
essence has permeated me from that night on. My mind is
clouded by your cologne. My feelings are lost in the
combination of smoke and alcohol that I've come to
associate with you. I am forever tainted by these things.
Wash and wash I do, yet the scent continues to linger....
lingering forever. I'm not sure if I am ready to wash you
away yet. Maybe I cling to these familiar vapors because in
some way it keeps you alive to me. It bonds us that I
cannot cleanse myself of you. I begin to wonder if I have
tainted you too. I wonder if you lay awake at night,
thinking over the past 3 hours and you catch a whif of
vanilla and if your thoughts turn to me even if just for a
fleeting moment... Or is it just that the whore you choose
tonight wore vanilla too? Could it be that the warm body
beside you tonight radiates what I did? I hate them for
having your warmth beside them. I lay alone, frozen and
dead. Come revive me, oh love! Come breath life into my
palid lips, make my heart beat once again. I will allow you
to ressurect me knowing full and well that come next Friday
the cross I will bear and the nails you will drive in. It
started off by you piercing the flesh in my hands.... Now
it has become you hang me by a single1 nail, it sharply and
precisely goes right in the center of my heart. I don't
hate you, my love... I hate only myself for letting this
sick cycle continue. He then enters, stage right. He bathes
me, and finally the scent of you is gone.... I am relieved
by this, I think I have now foud some sort of freedom, of
independence, of identity. I lay down this night, thinking
over the past three hours only to find that there is a new
scent... the scent of Mr. New. This is enough to make me
gag as I run to my bathroom. I begin to cry as I have the
thought replayed over and over in my mind.... "You let it
beging, now it shall never end.... Why did you let this
happen? The future is X-rated...."