shifting mists
2002-02-24 01:23:08 (UTC)

two weeks to go ...

... *soft smile* ... well .... i only have two weeks left
to go in the program over at the hospital ... that seven
week program just seems to be racing by ... too quickly in
my opinion ...

... i never realized how much time i spend on a computer
until there isn't one around .... nor did i realize how
much i use the computer as a resource for information and
knowledge .... it's been a difficult adjustment ... and to
tell the truth ... the library just doesn't cut it anymore
as far as finding up-to-date and comprehensive
information ....

.... a lot of things have changed ... some for the
better. .. some ... *shrugging* ... dunno ..... i'm now
engaged to an absolutely amazing and wonderful man ....
*grin* .... we're planning on not marrying until next year
though ... so no specific plans or anything like that yet
('cept that we've agreed on a design for a ring) ....

... my back is as painful as ever .. but i've come to
realize over the last few weeks that ... well ... the pain
is never going to go away .... it's something i'm going to
have to live with and due to osteoporosis beginning to set
in, there's not much they can do to make it go away ....
i'm trading fat for muscle it seems, for though my weight
stays the same, my strength is increasing
exponentially .... and i am finally fully aware of my
back's medical condition and understand what the future
will bring in that area as time goes on ...

.... i was diagnosed with diabetes two weeks ago ....
*frowning* ... i was hoping on another 20 years before it
set in ... hereditary and all that ... *shrugging* ...
after my hospital stay is finished i will be enrolled in
some education programs to learn more about diabetes and
how to adjust my life to get that under control ....

... i'm tired of doctors telling me that i am ''too young''
to develop certain medical problems .... that is what they
said before i was diagnosed with ovarian cancer ... that i
was too young .... (but it happened anyway) ... that is
what they told me when they doubted i'd herniated my disk
(before they did an MRI) ... it's what they told me when i
was concerned about my chronic pain being caused by
something like osteoporosis (until they did tests and
realized i was right) .... it's what they said when i had a
hypoglycemic episode during physical therapy .. that i was
too young to have diabetes yet .. (that is, until they did
the glucose test and it came up positive) .... i WISH those
words would stop coming out of doctor's mouths, for it
seems my body is dead set to prove them wrong over and over
again ....

.. anyway ... i've gotten to do a lot of reading .... and
it's relatively nice ... the pain aside, i like the
exercise and physical therapy .... it's nice to know you
have somewhere to sleep at night .. and the next ... and
the next ... somewhere healthy both physically and
emotionally ..... and i am so happy and in love with
Squall ... that deep knowing love ... not the heart
fluttering lust but the soul deep knowledge that he's ''the
one'' .... that love sustains me even when everything else
feels like it's falling apart sometimes .... often
times ....

... and that big, black slate looming on the horizon after
i get out of the hospital? ... it's still there ...