Emotional Fluctuations
2002-02-22 01:36:15 (UTC)

I'm Back But U Wouldn't Know It

Well, I guess u would but it doesn't feel like I had a
vacation. I guess that's because I worked harder up n
Hayward than I do here at home. Well, the festival was a
blast and the farthest we got was Semi-finals of the Ryans.
(Jason Maddy... u go boy) And Ryan Mark's 10-minute play is
going 2 Washington and we r all so happy 4 him (and
secretly trying 2 join him on the trip :-) ). My experience
was good and terrible. I finally broke it off with Dana. It
was a very emotional night. The day after Valentine's. It
was gonna happen on Valentine's but she decided to spend it
with some guy she met up there. Let me tell u about this.
she avoids me the first three days of the festival. On V-
Day she gives me flowers. I thank her and that night, after
NPD rehersal, I read the card. The card says "Be with me
tonight. Love, Dana." "Well," I think, "I wonder what this
is about, let me go see." I get to her rooma nd she is with
some1 else. Well, I get the picture (or so I think)and I
figure "that is that." Well, it' snot cause half an hour
l8r she comes up to my room (where the parties were
everynight after Wed.) and STILL doesn't talk 2 me. Oh
well, that solidifies it (or so I thought yet again). But
no, the next day I tell her we need 2 talk. And that night,
when she got back from The City we had our "talk." She
basically told me that our entire relationship was based on
a lie. She was never really attracted 2 or happy with me.
She hinted 2 such things during the relationship but I
guess the rest was a lie. I knew we were done a long time
b4 Hayward. I guess it took being away from our school 4
her 2 finally confess it 2 me. So as of right now, urs
truly is truly single and I give myself about 2 months b4 I
go crazy. I H8 BEING ALONE! But I can deal with it.
Overall, though the festival was incredible. I got my first-
ever standing ovation. And what makes it bettert is that it
was 4 a staged reading. I didn't get a chance to see Ann
but it turns out that I did "see" her but she was n a car
and driving away and I was in a friends car and he didn't
feel like playing chase. SO I missed her. And I didn't get
the tuxedo so I'll have 2 get 1 down here or make another
trip up there. We'll c. I wanna c Ann's show so I need 2
get a hold of her and find out when it is. I hope I
remember. My memory has not been all it's cracked up 2 b. I
now realize how alone I am cause there r so many women here
that I'm interested n but most r with some1 and there4 out
of my reach. It SUX!!! Oh well. Talk 2 u l8r. SMOOCHIES!
Peace & B Wild