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2002-02-21 20:54:03 (UTC)


today, february 21, 2002.

i dreamt last night. the weirdest dream. woke up sort of
startled. it started out with me hanging out with tim,
motorcycle/jenn's friend, and doing things with him as if
he and i were dating. but, in the dream i was confused,
because a part of me knew that there was someone else in
the picture. so, i was hanging out with tim and then all
of a sudden it's scottie. and, i'm much happier and much
more content. but, of course, i woke up then.

i have no idea as to where i've been or where i'm going.
i'm bored out of my mind. i want adventure, excitement and
newness! i can't believe i'm working here! and, the
possibility of being here for the next twenty-five years of
my life, makes me mad with craziness! i can't imagine
staying put for that long. but, the idea of working
somewhere else, just doesn't make sense. what would i do?
what sort of profession would i pick up? i don't know what
i would do. but, it doesn't make sense to sit here over
the years and do what i am doing! although, it is easy
work. well, for now, i'm going to sit here and do what i
am doing and possibly go back to school. i can do both at
the same time and not feel overwhelmed.

so, what's up with the whole australia thing? well,
scottie is finding that it might not be as fiscally
lucrative as he thought it would. truth be told, he's
going to be losing money. so, it's been put off for now.
although, he is still talking about working with them.

what do i want? i'd love for things over there to be
stable enough for me to say that i was going to "retire"
and live in australia. but, they aren't. or, i'd love for
him to stay here and consider another job. but, what i
don't want is to give up what we have. i know that there
are parts of his behavior and personality that just grates
on my nerves, but i do love him for who he is and what he
does. so, i'm going to continue to love him and be with

the next year should be very interesting, indeed.

there's talk of marriage and moving.