DramaQueen

Sam

5/2/01
I haven't wrote in a long time but I've been busy with
friends and thinking. I hate to think every time I sit and
think I remember what Matt & Ian did to me. I realy wish I
had someone to tell that I know wouldn't tell me what I
should have done. I know what I should have done but the
thing is that I didn't and its to late now. Anyway I found
out something that realy made me sick. My one friend Sam is
a dike and she wants me in that very special way. She
hasn't said anything to me yet but she told my best friend
Chris. We had been looking at one of her notebooks and it
had said somthing about that but it didn't say me and Chris
went away with her and her mom to the store and he told her
then. I had just got home from work when I called him he
told me this. It was the worst thing I had ever heard. I am
still gonna be fiends with her but its weird to know she
has these kind of feelinga. I mean just couse I won't even
go out with a guy right now after what happened with Matt &
Ian it doesn't make me a dike. I just don't what that to
happen again. I've been thinking about telling Chris what
happened to me but we are realy good friends. I spend alot
of time at his house. People say that we even act like we
are going out. We keep telling people that we aren't but no
one listens to us. He says love sucks and I am still trying
to get over what happened to me before. We are such good
friends that he uses me as a pillow, we share lollypops,
drinks, cigarettes, and just about anything else. I am
woried that if i tell him what happened hes gonna start
acting funny around me and be scared to even touch me. I
don't think that he would do that to me if we would ever be
more then friend but I am still scared. I don't think
anything is ever gonna happen between us with how we both
feel about love but I still can't help but think about it.
Well I got to go. I want to get some sleep before I have to
go to work tomarrow. I will try to remember to write more
often maybe I will get the time tomarrow after work.
Good Night
Mandi