Midnight Rambles
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2002-02-21 05:43:17 (UTC)

Best Friend Blues-Part II

Jan. 22 2002

Something is going to give soon. I can just tell. Things
are just too quiet. It feels like the calm before the
I have these mammoth butterflies in my stomach that just
will not die. Carrie just walked in the house and that
increased my tension ten-fold. She came upstairs, had a
pointless 30 second conversation with Nick and then walked
away from him saying that she didn't feel like chatting.
It was actually really rude. I'm sure it had something to
do with the fact that he didn't go to class this morning
and she did, but honestly I'm geting really sick of
constantly bitching about Nick. I know he's her
competition, and she hates it, but I can not understand why
she can't just let it go. I mean, this exact situation
happened last year with Ryan and she came back in Spetember
and regretted it. I really think that the same thing is
about to happen here with Nick...or me.
I just hate this feeling that I have to tip toe around her;
that I can only tell her certain things because her
judgements can be so biting and hurtful. She can be so
bigoted that where it used to be funny, it now just makes
me cringe. And that's because it's fake. On the outside
it's, "yea Michael, tell me about your new boyfriend." but
when she's sitting here with me it's "god that's
All of this really makes me miss Adrienne. With her, what
you see is what you get. If she's happy you know it, and
if she's pissed off at you, you know that too. There's
noone of this bi-polar shit that comes with Carrie. All
this guessing to try and figure out who she's pissed off
with and who she's just being rude to in association. But
I also miss Adrienne's quiet understanding: the fact that
she rarely judges, just accepts. But, even when she does
stand in opposistion, she's gentle about it-trying to steer
you in another direction. For instance, take this fight I
had with my mother.

Carrie's Reaction: "You have this chip on your shoulder
everytime you get close to home, so much so that your mom
could just hug you and tell you that she missed you and
you'd find something wrong with that." Pretty biting eh?

Adrienne's Reaction: "What did she say to you to make you
go defensive? But what do you think you said to her to make
her so angry?" Adrienne tries so hard to look at things
from both sides.

I'm so sick of it here this week. My weekend at home was
so good, that it was nice to be away from everything going
on here. It sounds horrible, but I'm beginning to look
forward to the weekends when she's gone. I've heard her
say to other people that she thinks Brian and Dustin are
coming here this weekend, and all that makes me want to do
is take extra hours at work. Dustin's such a little brat
that I can't stand being around him, and if nay of the
three of them are arguing with each other, then it's hell
for everyone. But alas, I have to be here this weekend, so
I have this strange notion that I will be hanging out in my
room a whole lot. Wish me luck.