PrincessTess

The Shadow of Myself
2002-02-21 05:37:06 (UTC)

but I do...

I don't want to care.. but I do. I don't want to like
you.. but I do. I don't want to think about you.. but I
do. I don't want to be upset.. but I am. I want to be in
control.. but I'm not. I want to see you.. but I can't. I
want to know what to do.. but I don't. I don't want to be
the same as every other girl.. but I am. I want to be
special.. but I'm not. I want to be there.. but I'm not.
I want you to care like I do.. but you don't. I want to
let go.. but I'm not. I want to say I know what I'm
doing.. but I don't. I want to understand this whole
thing.. but I can't. I want you to talk.. but you don't.

I am just really frustrated with myself for being so open
and for being so honest. I don't think it's paid off at
all. So far the only thing I've gotten is a bigger void.
Somehow I thought that if I were more honest and more
giving then I would get the same in return. It was very
nieve of me to think things would happen like that. I
carry too much faith in other people. I give too many
second chances. I don't want to change that.. I want to
have faith in people. I want to be very forgiving. I
don't want the world to make me hardcore. I'm not a
hardcore person.

I just know.. that I don't know.

~*~