ruefulformelancholy

same shit, different day

my mom just called me to tell me that she loved me.
and now i'm leaking and i haven't cried in fucking ages.

i don't know what to do.

i don't feel like i belong in science. and i mean that in
multiple ways - first off, i don't fill my sentences with
the jargon of the doctorites i have to deal with every day.
i think jargon is stupid. why talk about something in a
completely different language so the common man can't
understand you, when you borrow phrases from everyday
language and twist their meaning around just for something
to do.

i also just have this gut feeling that i'm not going to get
anything accomplished here. all the big stuff has been
figured out already, and the rest will come eventually -
like the monkeys typing on typewriters eventually churning
out shakespeare analogy.

and then there's the part of me that says - science is just
another big fucking political corporate machine. and i
really hate that.

but, i don't know what else i can do.

i don't mean that to be taken i don't think there's
anything else i can do. i mean that i'm not sure - i'm just
not sure - if i can do *anything* without finding some
fault in it.

this sucks.