Insensitive Kitten

...inside you're empty...empty like me...

I cut and bleed and i am numb.

I am also cold.

Quite cold.

I didn't even have time to wash the blood off the knife
before my mom came back....I think I got most of it
though....

I'm having these things....like right before I cut I talk
really really fast to myself but say the same thing over
and over....

Like the t.v was on and it was pissin me off for some
reason and I flipped out and kept saying "no sound no
sound."

Blah....that's not even my worst episode..

When I was heavily into it there was one day that I had
tried to stop....and I had gone like a week without it. So
I was chillin on my bed and I just started shaking and
getting dizzy....and the thought of cutting wouldnt go away
so I ran to the kitchen and blacked out for a little while.
When I came to I was on the floor holding on to the
refrigerator handle to steady myself...when I did cut that
night I used a dull knife and hardly bleed.....afterwards I
felt so good....and calm...like I was floating...

That's when I knew I had come to live on it.

I've noticed that my pattern has changed since last
year....I cut more for blood and the sound rather then the
pain....

Heh...

I know that was graphic for some but I needed to write that

and no one forced you to read it

And, no, this is not an apology..this is how it is...plain
and simple.

You may be able to close your eyes or x this window out but
I can't

I want to be you