This is the beloved air I breathe
2002-02-20 06:26:26 (UTC)

Playing the game of life

You ever have an experience where you say something so
intelligent that you even surprise yourself? Wait....let
me re-phrase that: Have you ever looked back on something
you said and thought "wow, that came from me?". That's
the way I feel about this online journal.
wow. I can not believe some of the words that have come
out of these fingers. As a very good friend of mine
reminded me the other day, sometimes what we say is what
we need to hear the most. I say a lot of stuff, and it's
stuff that I genuinely feel, but I also need to re-read
and encourage myself about so much.

I have found myself getting discouraged a lot more lately,
and I realize that it's because I have not been doing my
devotions. I notice a direct correlation between me doing
my devotions and my attitude about life. That is why I
have friends to keep me accountable. That's so important
in living the Christian walk. We all need people to keep
us accountable. I have other Christian friends who are
truly my sisters in Christ. Because we share that same
belief in God, there is a deep soul connection, and that
allows us to reach each other on such a deeper level than
so many other friendships that I have ever had.

I have been blessed with friendships. God has given me
true friends. It was not always that way. When I was in
school...middle school...high school...elementary
school...I was a looser. I had no friends. I was the
little fat girl who sat in the corner while everyone
talked about me and made fun of me.

What happened? What's so different about me now? I don't
know. maybe it's the Jesus in me. there is a psalm in
the bible that says ""for I know the plans I have for you"
declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you a hope and a future.."
God has not left me abandoned.

Just a random note to all you who will be going to
college...the best midnight snack is like PB and J on
Wheat bread with the all Natural peanut butter (teddie's pure shortening) and a nice tall
glass of milk. It's not very computer friendly. lol,
especially when you get peanut butter on the keys...

How did I get where I am now from where I used to be?
When I look back on my life and see where I have come from
I wonder how it all happened. I came out of such pain and
misery. It's pain and misery that I'm sorry to say I
brought upon myself, but nonetheless I struggle with the
scars. In eight grade I got into shoplifting, and it took
a very traumatic experience involving Disney world, a
camera, and my parents to help me to break that habit.
After I was getting over that I could not accept that fact
that God could forgive me. I stole...I STOLE...I was a
there were a bunch of things that happened in between, but
sufficed to say, God touched me and re-assured me of His
love and forgiveness.
My Junior year of high school I started dating this kid
named "teddy" (that's not his name at all, but I'm not
going to use his real name) and we had this very serious
relationship. We totally thought we were in love, and
after 4 months we thought we were going to get married. I
gave up 17 years of my virginity to a person I had been
dating for 4 months and actually believed I was going to
marry him! He's married to someone else right now. There
is so much pain and heartache that came out of that
relationship, not to mention the damage that occurred
between my parents and I. I had to heal.
I think that sex before marriage is like going to a fast
food restaurant over going to an exquisite restaurant that
serves top of the line food in France or something like
that. It's giving up the most perfect thing. I have
experienced the pain first hand. God did not design it
all to happen that way. Sex seems so beautiful, but
imagine how much more beautiful it is between two people
who loved each other enough to wait for each other.

God saw me through those times. He was there for me. God
comforted me, he loved me, and when I did things that He
told me not to do, he cried for me because He saw what I
was doing to myself, but He was always there for me to
come back to him.
There is nothing that you can do that would make God not
be able to take you back. God is in the business of
Changing lives and all one has to do is allow it all to

well, I have a microbiology exam tomorrow, and it's already
1:30 am. I should probably start studying :)