Life on the other side
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2002-02-20 05:34:28 (UTC)

My shitty life

It has been awhile since my last entry. Recovery has been
very hard for me in the last month. Alot of the time I
feel as if I am going crazy. I get very lonley and
homocidal. If it wasn't for my sponsor and my best friend
Butch I don't know where I would be right now. Probably
dead or in prison. I don't know how much more IOP group I
can take. I am almost done with it but I want to just
quit. I got a new job work with RR High Speed Online. If
everything works out I could make alot of money. That would
help to relieve some of my fears. I am very lost and
confused at the moment. Actually, I have been that way
alot of the time lately. I can't seeem to keep my thoughts
together. Sobriety has given me the power to have feelings
again. I can't deal with them and it really bothers me
when I am down. I feel the need to cry but can't seem to
get out the pain. I don't even know what the pain is most
of the time. What shall I do, Butch? Butch has been an
absolute saint to me. He has given me a place to stay
while I find my own place. I know I have worn out my
welcome and he is ready for me to go. And that is ok. He
is the best friend I have ever had. He truly cares about
me, like no other friend I have had. I wish I could get
out of this horrible space I am in. I just do not know how
to do that. Meetings help but they are not the answer.
Well I guess I should talk to my sponsor. So I will check
in later

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