My life as Trick
Aren't you up for parole YET!?
My friend Bill says that we have a natural attraction to
what we grew up around.
I'm really wishing that that were not so, because i grew
up in rural Arkansas in a town of only 700 people.
That really doesn't leave much for me to choose from.
Cowboys - okay... I give him that.
Farmers who have the wonderful farmer tan of a red
neck and arms with a white chest and stomach.
People who live off of beer at the local deer camps.
People who can move their house with a moments
notice - and all they need is a truck and some place to
put the cement blocks.
My prospects are looking dim.
So why o why in the name of all that is Holy and Just do
i wind up attracting people who spend most of their
time in a correctional facility?
I get phone calls from the county prison at 2am. I have
people who's pasttime is procuring bail ringing my
door at all hours of the night, wanting me to provide
them with a service that I'm SURE some burly man in
the institution they just left would be more than happy to
They come to me.
What the hell did I do to deserve this?
I mean, I've seen enogh Sally Jesse Raphael to know
that there is a certain type of person out there that has
these people coming ot of the woodworks...
But I don't own a muumuu. My house doesn't have
wheels. i don't wear make-up, and if I did, I wouldn't
have blue eye shadow up to my hairline.
I'll have to finish this up later...it's 11pm...and there's a knock at
my door. It's the convict.
And, sadly, it's easier to just give him a handjob and send him
on his way than it is to attempt to be interested enough in him to
have a conversation and then turn him away.
At least, I know that I'll get to sleep sooner.