Either we are alone in the universe, or we are not.
Both are staggering concepts.
Cameron gave me this journal and told me to write in
it, but I’ve no idea where to start. Or when, for that
matter. Well, I guess now’s as good a time as any.
Carpe diem, right? Or some such nonsense.
Anyway, he said he was going to be starting something
big, something huge, something important and above
all, something new. That was the astounding part. I’m
a firm believer that there’s nothing new under the sun,
just superficially confusing reconfigurations of (as the
little dragon once said) the same old damn shit. But
whatever. Cameron’s got vision, I’ve gotta give him
that, but he lacks...follow-through. All these things he
starts, little projects he gets sucked into, secret
societies, Cid, none of it ever ends up getting finished.
Just once I’d like to see him finish something out.
I suppose this is where I introduce myself. After all, for
you to be reading this, our story must have obviously
amounted to something. My name’s Alice, and right
now I’m waiting for Cameron around the corner with my
car in park. Dean’s passed out in the back
seat...scratch that, he just came to. As I transpose my
inimitable scrawl into this hardbound journal Cameron
gave me, Dean’s groggily leaning his head over my
shoulder to see what I’m doing. I wonder if Cameron’s
ever going to read this.
I put the journal down for a minute to kiss Dean on the
forehead, and he returns with a much bigger kiss, one
of those huge slobbering wet licks that goes from your
chin to your ear. I scratch him behind his ear for a few
seconds before coming back to this. The patter of the
rain on the car is providing vital syncopation to the Blue
Man Group CD playing on my stereo, providing me with
this vital impetus to spill my brain onto the paper. The
symbol on the front of this journal, I just remembered,
is the Japanese pictogram for “rain.” Cute. These
paperblanks are supposedly the “essence of Zen,” but I
can’t see for the life of me how such an essence could
survive the commercialization process. Whatever.
They can have their money and sell their trendiness, I
didn’t buy it, I just think it looks cool.
Part of me can’t wait to see what Cameron has in store,
part of me can’t bear to watch him barely get it off the
ground only to see it crash again, and another part of
me just wants to get caught up in it and make it work.
Maybe that’s been his problem all along: he’s got the
vision, but lacks the means, lacks resources. So he
gets people who have the resources involved, but as
soon as they catch wind of what he’s really got up his
sleeve, they bail on him. The funny thing is, though, that
through all his bungles and fuckups, he’s always
managed to pull himself through. It’s like his life is
charmed or something. Living just comes easy to him.
Maybe that’s the very root of his discontent. Or maybe
it’s the other way around. He just seems so damn
content, though...it’s almost eerie, sometimes he
seems like he’s so content that he’s inert, like he’ll just
freeze up. He’s always talking about how happiness is
brought about by things, but contentment comes from
within...thus contentment is a state of mind, while
happiness is a state of affairs, and...well, he goes on
for a while about things like herd mentality and
ingrained values, but I’ve got to get going now.
The rain’s letting up, and Cameron told me to pick him
up at the perfect time at this alley around the corner and
down the block. I asked him just what the hell he
meant by that and he told me to make something up. I
was driving along today, thinking that the perfect time
would be whenever I got there, but then it started
raining. I figured out then that the perfect time would be
right when the rain stopped. Don’t ask me why, I’d
probably make up some cock-and-bull story about new
beginnings and perspectives and introspective bullshit
and some other same-such whatnot. But regardless of
the reason, the pure and simple fact is that the perfect
time is coming, and right when the rain stops will only
last for a moment, so I have to time this just right.