Ralph the Wonder Llama
So, he wants to be a nun?
The last time I had Pixie Sticks was at about midnight on a
Sunday when we were driving home in the dark. We got home at
five in the morning. My bus picks me up at 6:30. It was bad.
I had 5 English commentaries due Monday. Needless to say,
Ralph, however wonderful and however Llamaish, was hard
pressed to finish them that night in the car by light of a
flashlight. I stole the flashlight from my brother. He's ten
and wants to be a nun. Yeah... More about that later. He'd
brought a flashlight so that e could play "flashlight tag"
in the car. Don't ask me how one would do this. I ate about
15 Pixie Sticks at the same time and I sure did get my
commentaries done. They weren't very good. Half of them were
me saying "The author of this poem should be impaled and
prodded repeatedly by little green men riding ostriches
because of his lack of any form whatsoever. It hurts to look
at this..." I still haven't gotten that grade back. I think
my teacher is saving it for future years to shove in
people's faces. "This is something you shall never ever do
if you want to live...[proceed to read Ralph's
Oh, my brother the nun. My brother is not a normal ten year
old. he wanted to be a nun for Halloween. They had adult nun
costumes but nothing that would fit him. So we got him this
thing called "The naughty Nun". It had a mini-skirt. It fit
him perfectly. That was scary. He walked around in it at my
Halloween party and really scared my guy friends by trying
to sit on their laps. They were especially scared when I
told them that yes, he was a boy. Some of them still haven't
gotten over it.
Yes, I think my brother does need help.
Why do you think some people are so much stupider than
others? I know it sounds like a really mean question and I
don't mean it that way but... Hmmmm...maybe I do. I'm just
trying to figure how the people in my biology class are
breathing. We were talking about male pattern baldness and
other sex-influenced traits and this girl raises her hand
and asks the teacher "Then how does Rogaine work? Have you
ever used it?" (our teacher's a guy) And he gives her this
pointed look and says "No" and she says in this very...
scary voice "Oh, you're a hairy man!" He didn't appear to
happy with that statement because he assigned some weird lab
which I promptly forgot about until that night very late.
I don't know what else to say. I'm not this boring of a
person, I'm really not, but its just that I don't
particularly care to talk about lawn gnomes and seagulls and
how they're trying to take over the world.
Actually, I think I might be a people person. That scares
me. Whenever people have problems, they come and talk to me.
At first I thought maybe they just assumed I had psychiatric
experiance (hmmmm...) But now I'm not so sure. It's not a
recent thing either. I've been listening to other people's
problems for ages. Maybe that's why I'm so messed up. The
guy in my Drama class said that it was becauseI was always
happy and not matter how depressing his problems were I
could cheer him up. Well, that's a good thing. Wait, i just
realized... It's always guys who end up seeking my help. (I
don't actually do anything but nod and sometimes shake them
out of self pity when they need it) What's up with that?
Maybe I'm a bridge! That would be nifty! Ralph the wonder
Bridge! No... llama is better. I honestly think guys are
making an awful mistake askign me waht to do with their girl
probelms... I'm about as un-girlish as its possible to be
(My name IS Ralph). I don't like romantic movies, much the
contrary I prefer motorcycles, weaponry, and nifty hats.
Well, its there life. They can have me screw it up as much
as they want I suppose. I suppose I shoud go
write...something. I've put a new twist on "it's
always Christmas somewhere" :There's always an essay due
somewhere. Sadly, its true.
Ralph the Wonder Bridge... I mean Llama
Nifty Gandalf Quote
"Bilbo Baggins! Do not take me for some conjurer of cheap
tricks! I'm not trying to rob you... I'm trying to help
you!"- Gandalf the Gray
Other Quote to Prove I have a Weird memory
"In place of a Dark Lord you shall have a queen! Beautiful
and terrible as the Dawn. Teacherous as the sea! Stronger
than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love me and
despair!" - Galadriel suffering from Ring Lust