Ad 0:
2002-02-19 21:45:51 (UTC)


Today was one of those days when I was acting funny. I'm so
sick of the small talk....ya know? Everyone gets sick of it
at some point. I'm really sick of it. I'm tired of the
friendship. Being in relationship shouldn't even be like
this! I know what I want to do, but I feel like it may be
jumping the gun. I feel like this is starting to become a
routine for me these days. I go through this quite a bit
though. I always have my times when I let people go. I just
put them out of my heart and mind. It's always been like
this. I don't know why it happens, but it does....back to
the friendship....I'm sick of secrets being kept. I know no
where in the book does it say that you have to tell me
something, but don't catch an attitude when I don't tell
you something. I feel like maybe you feel as though you
have your reasons for not telling me something. Maybe you
don't trust me. Whatever the reason is....let me know. I
wish that if you felt how I'm feeling right now, then you
would let me know. It's becoming fake these days. I bite my
tongue a lot because I don't want to catch ten days. I know
something will erupt one day, if something is said. I guess
I don't like the person Dee is becoming. I've seen it
happen to other people, and then I didn't care. But I do
care about Dee....or did....I just don't want to see her
end up with the short end of the stick. Sorry for being
Ethel in this. I do care. It probably isn't shown. Dee
probably thinks I've got problems because today I just
didn't say anything to her....nor Jacan. I can't make small
talk anymore. I don't have anything to say to those who
keep things from me. How can you expect someone to give
themselves if you won't give yourself in return? I will no
longer tell them about ME. I'm sick of giving myself. I
can't do it anymore. I think the only person I share a lot
with is Jonathan. He's my boi. I can talk freely with him
and I get a response. He's honest with me. That's the
difference between dudes and females. Females only think of
themselves. I'm a female(lol)....I'm not knocking it all
together. I try to be the total opposite of what is
expected. I really don't try....that's just the way I am.
I'm not mad at Jacan. Jacan is straight to me. She is very
secretive also, but I haven't known her as long as I've
known Dee. Whatever the outcome of this situation is, I
hope no important bridges are burned. I feel like I burned
the bridge between me and Leroy. I can't change that
though. You can only keep going on with things. I have 3
months left of school....3 MONTHS! It will be sad to see a
friendship end when we are so close to the end. But I can't
put forth any more effort. I'm worn out and I'm sick of it.
So what do I do now?

....always remember