2002-02-19 05:11:01 (UTC)

-even if i was talking you couldnt hear me through the thunder of your mockery-

today my father was a big asshole to me.
as every other day.
just most days now...im not around to get it.
donie is getting really old.
and i am choosing not to think about it.
but as much as i tell myself that i shouldnt.
i cant help it.

i saw jennifer today.
shes doing well driving stick.
and i couldnt be prouder.

i did really well on my test.
and my paper.
and that makes me happy.

i cant stop worrying about emily.
i went out today/night to try and get my mind off of
but, it wasnt all that effective.
seeing someone you love in so much pain.
and not being able to do anything about it.
and not being able to even BE there.
sucks. it sucks a whole whole fucking whole lot.

im going to see her tomorrow though.
i cant wait.

my mommy working nights is weird.
im used to night time being alone time for me.
not anymore...

shes throwing things across the room.
multiple things.
not just one thing.


sometimes i want to float away
just float away
far away

"youre always happy ashley...even when youre sad youre
-shawn tonight

if you all only knew

im going to sleep.
im going to sleep and staying that way for awhile.

theres something about driving around listening to dave
really loud that will never let me forget certain people


i cant talk to them.
i cant sit here.
i cant deal with how they are.
i cant do anything.
i cant do anything at all.
and im tired of pretending to be ignorant.
and im tired of closing my eyes.
and sleeping through it all.