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2001-05-01 02:11:02 (UTC)

i let ridiculous things bother..

i let ridiculous things bother me.. and always seemingly at
the most inopportune moments.. i hinted at the idea of
trust in my previous post, well.. its obvious i have a
problem with it. i've only trusted 3 people in my life.
one of them is dead, one moved across the country, and the
other completely shattered the semblance of structure in my

this was an ex. she was the second person i learned to
trust, the only one i've ever loved, yet also made me so
reluctant to believe again. i'm sure we've all heard sad
stories, so i won't burden you with this one.

well.. a new special person has entered my life, and that
question has popped up again, "can i trust this person?"
she's a great distance away from me, and in fact, i've
never been able to even look in her eyes..

this presents a problem,.. i'm a tactile person, and i find
myself needing physical reinforcement, tho not necessarily
sexual in nature, just knowing that special someone is
nearby is comforting. with just text, i don't have that.
all i have is ascii. i like digihugs (the kind people mark
as '/me hugs $person' or *hug* or some other tag feature
from a markup language... but its not enough

hopefully i'll be able to save up enough $$$ to visit this
special person, and take her into my arms long enough to
melt away these fears.. she has somehow made me smile with
her warm personality and intelligence (something i find
extremely attractive), and honestly, i don't know what i've
done to warrant any of this.

i'm sure this was just as incoherant as my previous posts,
and my grandiouse run-on sentences are diggin thorns into
some readers sides.. but insecurities are a bitch, and i'm
full of em... more to come later

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